A YEAR’S WORTH OF READER NASTYGRAMS
Poor Jack, always coming down on the wrong side of every argument.” • “I thought you were better than this.” • “If you were just a little less unhappy, you could probably be a mediocre writer.” • “I generally don’t read your column but today was an exception. I stopped after the third paragraph.”
Yes, Dear Reader, it’s that time again. What better way to say goodbye to 2017 than with a few of the nastygrams sent in response to my column this year?
They rain down every day, landing in the email inbox with a satisfying plop, as though deposited from roof height by a gull, or perhaps an elephant: • “Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I would like to have been able to read an article on the Top News Stories of 2016 that was not based on Jack Knox’s biases, opinions, innuendos and caustic humour,” wrote a reader unhappy about a year-end feature.
Um, better not read the Islander section in tomorrow’s paper, then. • “Jack, I think there is a position for you in the North Korean Daily. You would be a perfect fit,” advised someone who didn’t like a piece on the provincial election. “Best of all, like your current newspaper, no thought is required. Just repeat the approved messages in the echo chamber like you have been doing for years.”
Dear Reader out, Dear Leader in. • “So, a deranged Antifa leftist and Trump hater like yourself goes on an insane rampage with an already illegal automatic weapon and you think the solution is more gun laws in the U.S.!” someone wrote after the Las Vegas shooting. “LOL! We have tough gun laws in Canada and if I actually wanted a machine gun I would have one within a week.”
There’s a comforting thought. • Sometimes the subject line gives a clue to the content of the email: “JACK (F-CKING LYING $CUM) KNOX COVERING UP CHEMTRAIL SPRAY CRIMES. BURN IN HELL FOREVER AND EVER.” • Sometimes the zingers came via social media. After Mayor Lisa Helps tweeted a photo of Mr. Floatie and me, three people replied “Which one is Mr. Floatie?” • Sometimes they come from left field: “Please don’t use the term ‘swing a cat.’ I find it offensive.” • Some come from afar: “Another piece from our king of West Coast smugness, Jack Knocks,” growled a man weary of me reminding the rest of Canada about Victoria’s awesomeness. • Some knew just where to stick in the knife: “On a closing note: GO LEAFS GO!”
Many, many, many Donald Trump fans let loose, though I also heard from people with a different view: “Don’t worry, Jack. Many of those who didn’t support Trump don’t like you, either.” Thanks. I think.
More than one of the president’s men wished I would shift my aim. “Jack, do you really need to reference Trump in most of your columns?” wrote a North Saanich reader. “Your comments are just cheap shots, showing huge disrespect towards the president of a country that is our friend. Why not use Justin Trudeau as your punching bag? That way when he finally collapses under the weight of his own arrogance and hubris you are going to look like the smartest guy in the room.”
Likewise, another Trump fan wrote in with: “Just do as you are told by your politically prejudiced, elitist owners, and don’t forget: glorifying their puppet Trudeau is job number one!”
Ah, but Trudeau fans were not impressed when I poked fun at the prime minister during a summer visit:
“Nice of you to be so cynical,” grumbled one. “Maybe you should quit writing. We are fortunate to live in Canada, on the Island and to have a young, enthusiastic, intelligent prime minister.”
A second weighed in: “Was that article supposed to be funny? [Ed. note: yes, it was] You somehow draw a really long tangent and connect it all to Justin. I am surprised that you did not blame him for low and high tides.”
“Shame on you, Jack, very unprofessional,” added a third from Nanoose Bay
Not to be outdone, New Democrats weren’t happy when I — and others at the TC — cheered B.C.’s new government for chasing Big Money out of election campaigns (as it promised it would), but jeered it for subsidizing political parties (as it promised it wouldn’t). “Do you all get together and agree that your circulation figures depend upon taking the side of ‘the little guy,’ the beleaguered taxpayer?” asked one.
The hits came all year long. After referencing some of the actors in the movie Love Actually in last week’s Christmas Eve piece on reunions at the airport, I got this: “Shame on you for not including Alan Rickman’s name in your article.”
I’m often encouraged to feel shame, though I prefer to reserve it for more serious transgressions, like the time I accidentally parked a Times Colonist car in a handicapped stall, a crime I tried to cover up by shrieking “I’m Les Leyne! I’m Les Leyne!” while fishtailing out of the lot.
Mostly, I just feel grateful for my privileged position, and for readers who care enough to write.