The facts on rats and cats
My first thought on seeing its nose appear through the hedge was: “That is one ugly dog.” Then the rest of the body came into view. “Eep,” I said, and froze. (My reaction surprised me. I’d never considered myself an “eep” kind of person. In my defence, it was a quiet, squeaky “eep,” not a leap-onto-a-chair shrieky “EEP.” Nonetheless, the new insight is a tender spot of self-disillusionment.)
It’s best to remain perfectly still when you don’t want dangerous predators noticing you. That’s what Hollywood tells us, so it must be true. The creature emerging was a rat. But what a rat! It was a rat so massive, the B.C. Lions could use it for a football. It was a rat so fat, flaps of skin wobbled and rolled over its elbows and knees as it swayed into sight and down the patio steps. Its skinny, naked tell-tail confirmed its rattiness.
“Jiminy Cricket!” I couldn’t help myself.
(Actually, I didn’t say “Jiminy Cricket,” but my editor says the expression I did use is not appropriate for publication.)
The rodent stopped. Its folds of flesh jiggled to a stop. Its ears swivelled toward me. Slowly, its head followed.
You know that scene in Jurassic Park? All I can say is I am glad my eyeball-toeyeball with R. norvegicus-on-steroids happened while I was standing with a rake in my hand, not sitting on the loo.
The rat turned and trundled around the corner of the house.
I’d heard of super-sized rats. The Telegraph — one of the U.K.’s more credible newspapers — had reported that Liverpool pest controllers were finding rats the size of house cats. Soldiers’ accounts from the First World War speak of rats the size of small dogs feeding on garbage and corpses left in No Man’s Land. And Hollywood’s portrayal of giant rodents in The Princess Bride is, like, totally credible.
The only rats I’d seen in real life were those left on my doorstep by neighbours’ cats. Those rodents were small and dainty — and dead. Next to the juggernaut that had just juddered through the yard, they would be juveniles.
Online research reveals rats are not mutating into SuperRats, but with abundant food, they can grow large enough to make cats or raccoons pause. With all the backyard fruit trees and the hedgerows of blackberries in the area, large rats have ample groceries. Any kitchen scraps in backyard compost bins would round out the buffet.
That said, super-sized rats might also be taking advantage of the fruits of our own junk-food preferences. One study indicates that rats readily pass on healthy nosh if they can get their claws on chips and cheeseburgers, doughnuts and Ding Dongs from local garbage bins instead.
Soon after my encounter with the Rodent of Unusual Size, a neighbour’s cat slunk into the yard.
“What’s with you!” I said. “Your job is to keep the rodent population down. You’re letting the side down.”
“Pfft. There’s no way I’m going near that,” it said.
(Actually, what came out of its mouth was “Pfft-hsss!” Susan, the neighbour, had warned us that hers wasn’t the friendliest of felines.) “Scaredy cat.” “No. Smarty pants. That rat would bite.” The cat — being a cat and an opportunistic predator — is disinclined to trouble itself when pickings that are less likely to fight back are available.
In fact, cats ignore rats and even negotiate truces with rats if other, easier food sources are on hand. In one study, published last week, scientists microchipped wild urban rats living near a colony of feral cats. The researchers found the rats actively avoided the cats, and the cats killed just two rats in 11 weeks. In an older study, researchers video-recorded alley cats feeding alongside rats on garbage. The cats and rats ignored each other in favour of the trash-can Timbits and Twinkies. The findings add to the growing evidence that cats simply aren’t great rat predators.
“We’re going to have to tell Susan she needs a bigger cat,” I told Nature Boy that evening.
Maybe a lynx would do the rat-catching honours. But it would have to be really hungry.