Urban Diplomat

I have a lot of clients in different time zones, so I often hop on Skype calls during my GO train commute. I always use a headset and speak quietly, but recently I’ve been getting a lot of dirty looks. A couple of passengers have even told me to keep it down. What gives—am I breaking some unwritten rule? If not, how do I deal with these selfrighteous shushers?

—Scarborough Expresshhh!, Port Union

Normally, I’d reprimand you for flouting well-known transit etiquette: no calls during commutes. GO trains, however, have quiet zones on the upper floors for riders who’d rather nap, read or crush their candy in peace, so their expectations of library-level silence are a tad unreasonable. That doesn’t change the fact that your Type A business-speak is beyond annoying for Type Zzzs—or give you permission to smugly direct the teeth suckers upstairs. If you really are being quiet (and I have my doubts), ignore the cut-eye and, the next time someone gives you verbal grief, politely apologize, promise to keep your voice down and go back to synergizing actionable results—or whatever it is one does on a business call.

Dear Urban Diplomat, My seven-year-old asked her dad and me to hold her upcoming birthday party at Ripley’s Aquarium, and we agreed without thinking about it—or checking ticket prices. She’s already told a dozen of her friends that the trip’s on us, and we assume they’ve told their parents. Turns out a group that size would cost $500, which we don’t want (and can’t really afford) to pay. Is it okay to ask the other parents to chip in?

—Feeling Shellfish, Christie Pits

Self-respecting parents are (or at least should be) smart enough not to treat a broken-telephone invitation as gospel truth, so there’s no shame in explaining the misunderstanding. There is shame, however, in asking them to pay up to fix

the problem, especially when they’ve already dropped 30 or 40 bucks on a gift. The only sensible solution is a change of venue. The move might crush your youngster, so be delicate and apologetic when you tell her the truth and ask for her runner-up (in-the-budget) choice.

Dear Urban Diplomat, My elderly neighbour has a white picket fence that prevents people from cutting across her corner lot. She hasn’t maintained it, so it’s become an eyesore: the paint is peeling and a few of the slats are rotten. Since she’s rather reclusive, it’s not as if we can casually chat about it. I drafted a friendly but direct letter and placed it in her mailbox last week. So far, nothing. What do I do next?

—On the Fence, L’Amoreaux

Your neighbour may be breaking a city bylaw that requires residential fences to be “structurally sound…in good repair and free from hazards.” But before you call 311 and ask the city to send her a fixit-or-else decree, consider the circumstances. She’s old and nowhere to be seen, which might mean she’s too frail for housework, seriously sick or worse. She doesn’t need a mouthful about how her battered barricade is offending neighbourhood sensibilities (and property values); she needs a decent neighbour to check in on her. Knock on her door and ask if everything’s okay. While you’re at it, offer to fix the fence yourself.

Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com