Urban Diplomat
Advice on how to be a civilized Torontonian
I hit the gym every morning, and, recently, another woman started working out at the same time as me. When she’s showering, drying her hair and brushing her teeth, she makes the most revolting sounds—hawking and spitting like you wouldn’t believe. I’d be sympathetic to a disease that causes this kind of behaviour (if such a thing exists), but, really, I just want it to stop. What should I say?
—Phlegm Fatale, Leslieville
Have you considered switching to earlymorning yoga? Because it sounds like you need to learn to relax and tune out. While your gym mate’s incessant heaving is doubtless disgusting, it’s not your place to tell her so. Her chronic mucilaginousness could be the result of allergies, bronchitis, chain-smoking or straight-up bad manners. You can’t know for sure and it’s none of your business. So, start your workout 15 minutes earlier—a small sacrifice for a tranquil change room.
Dear Urban Diplomat, Last week, my friends and I went to a Leafs game. In the second period, a guy in the row ahead of us started yelling and pounding his seat at the team’s every mistake. (There were many.) He was tanked, so we were going to cut him some slack, but when he started hollering homophobic slurs, one of my friends secretly filmed him. We want to hold him accountable, but we’re not sure whether to post the footage online. Should we become public shamers?
—The Avengers, Lytton Park
Unleashing the wrath of the Internet on this atrociously behaved fan isn’t likely to curb his loutish bigotry. It might deter other would-be meatheads, but there’s a chance it could also turn ugly quickly (see: the great Rogers Centre beer-tossing saga of October 2016). I’d save cyber-shaming for public figures and instances where the offence itself took place online. If you truly wanted to hold this guy accountable, you should have alerted security instead of recording a video to post after the fact. Getting
him ejected from the game would have given him a clear sign that his behaviour was not going to be tolerated—a message that would have been heard by other fans, too.
Dear Urban Diplomat, A couple of months ago, I started dating an amazing woman: she’s smart, funny and plans killer dates (oysters at Miku, cocktails at Bar Raval). There’s just one problem: I’m a grad student and I don’t have the disposable income to keep up with her budget-busting activities. She always offers to cover me, but I don’t want her constantly footing the bill. I’m not looking for a sugar mama. How do I bring up my finances without embarrassing myself or killing the mood?
—Johnny Cashless, Parkdale
Given your girlfriend’s persistence about paying, she’s obviously aware you’re not a one-percenter, so don’t be afraid to have a frank conversation with her about it. Telling her the truth—that you appreciate the generosity but want to be able to treat her, too—won’t put a damper on your relationship. Making her plan a whole new set of dates tailored to your bank statement will, though, so follow up by suggesting some creative outings of your own. Once you’ve found the right balance, you can enjoy her pampering in peace. Besides, a few more months together and you two will be ordering in and binge-watching old episodes of The Wire like the rest of us.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com