42 | Urban Diplomat Advice on how to be a civilized Torontonian
My neighbour has a backyard composter. It’s highly admirable, but her giant bin of food scraps is attracting rats the size of shoeboxes. I’d like to suggest that she bring her operation indoors, but I’d rather not start a neighbourly spat that’s ultimately more traumatizing than the occasional rodent sighting. Any suggestions?
—Ratted Out, East York
It’s reasonable to voice your concerns: what starts as an occasional rodent sighting could quickly turn into a family of rats living under your stove. Explain to your neighbour that while you support her eco-ambitions, you’re worried about those four-legged invaders sneaking into your house. Ask her to find a secure bin, or better yet, since your neighbour is probably equally wary of a rat infestation, join forces to encourage them to dine elsewhere.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
My best friend’s college-aged daughter has been our go-to babysitter for several months, which started as a nice way for her to make some extra money for school. I always tell her to help herself to whatever’s in the fridge, but lately, I’ve noticed a marked depletion of our pinot grigio stores. I’ve been friends with her mom for more than 30 years, but drinking while taking care of our infant is totally unacceptable. Should I confront the sitter, her mom or both?
—Sober Thoughts, Rosedale
Unless you’re coming home to find the babysitter sloshed, there’s no need for a heated confrontation. Plus, admit it, you’ve probably had a glass of wine to decompress after the baby has gone to sleep. Instead, tell her that you and your partner are not comfortable with her imbibing while on the clock. If you find out she’s still tucking into the wine after you’ve had the conversation, it’s probably time to find another sitter. As to who breaks the news to your bestie, the kind thing to do is to give your former sitter the option.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
I found an amazing deal on a basement apartment in High Park. It’s close to transit, and—wait for it—includes heat, electricity, my own washer and dryer and Internet for just under $1,500 a month. My problem is the landlords’ Labradors, who start barking and scuttling across the floor at 5 a.m. I work late and sometimes I don’t get home until 2 a.m., which means I’m seriously sleep deprived. I sent them a kindly worded note, but they said they wouldn’t make any changes. If I move, I’ll have to give up this great deal. Is there anything I can do?
—Totally Pooched, High Park
No living situation is perfect. Apart from those noisy dogs, it sounds like you’ve hit the apartment jackpot, so don’t be hasty in throwing it all away over a little dispute with your landlord. First, get yourself some noise-cancelling earplugs or a white-noise machine. As a last resort, you might gently ask your landlords if they’d consider getting some rugs to dull the scuffling, and try doing it in person rather than sending a passiveaggressive missive. These solutions are much cheaper than the $500 a month extra you’d be paying elsewhere.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
For the past year, I’ve been carpooling to the financial district with some colleagues who live in my neighbourhood. The co-worker who drives has been charging the four of us a monthly fee of $200 each, which I thought amply covered gas and parking. Last week, he upped the fee to $250, saying he needed to factor in regular maintenance. I feel like he’s trying to turn a profit, which seems wrong. How can I tell him I don’t want to pad his pockets, without compromising my ride or work relationships?
—Car Trouble, King City
Unless your co-worker is driving a Hummer—or some other gas-guzzling monstrosity—he shouldn’t need $1,000 a month to cover the cost of gas, parking and maintenance. Ask the other carpoolers what they think. If they feel the additional cost is bogus, perhaps you can stage an official protest. But if you’re the lone objector, you’ll have to ask yourself how much you value this arrangement. If the alternative is squeezing onto the GO Train for roughly $300 a month, you might just want to pony up the extra $50.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
Recently, my landlord said he was doing some “spring cleaning” and that he would be moving some things onto our property. So far, he’s left a big ugly couch on the porch, an old barbecue in the backyard and several rickety bikes in the basement. He told us to “use anything we want,” as if he’s doing us a favour. Needless to say, we don’t want any of this stuff in our space.
I get that it’s his property, but we’re paying to be there. Can I tell him to get rid of his junk?
—Storage Wars, Humewood-Cedarvale
According to the Landlord and Tenant Act, landlords can’t substantially interfere with a tenant’s reasonable enjoyment of their living space. First, voice your discomfort to the landlord. If he keeps treating your rental like the set of Sanford and Son, file a complaint with the Landlord and Tenant Board, which will ultimately determine what constitutes “reasonable enjoyment.”
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com