POP GOES THE WEEK

á According to a report, Beyoncé and Jay Z spent $6,000 on sex toys Perhaps someone should probably explain to them that there’s absolutely no need for anything to be gold-plated.

á Lily Allen refers to fellow pop stars as “a bunch of sterile bleeping Botoxed idiots that stank of desperation” She later apologizes and clarifies that, “I have no way of knowing whether it was Botox or Restylane.”

á Ariana Grande says her Twitter

haters are “evil as hell” Just to clarify, Ariana Grande’s personal Scale of Terrible Evil begins with "pinching" and ends with "food colour in water balloons."

á Sorry-not-sorry 1) Ani DiFranco reluctantly apologizes for having planned a feminist songwriting retreat at a former slave plantation. 2) Beyoncé says there were sincere intentions behind sampling audio from the Challenger disaster for her song "XO." 3) Gabrielle Union’s fiancé Dwyane Wade refers to a baby he fathered with another woman as "a blessing." 4) Kris Jenner tweets daughter Khloe looks gorgeous on the cover of Cosmo after Khloe Kardashian says that when she was just 9, she overheard her mother telling someone that she would need a nose job.

á Prince William will be attending Cambridge University to study agricultural management Meanwhile Prince Harry, following up on his trek to the South Pole, plans to have himself shot out of a cannon, work the rodeo and, in general, be 300 times cooler than his brother.

á The internet laughs upon seeing photos of Gwyneth Paltrow in draw-string mommy jeans Not laughing: the gluten-free elves Gwyneth keeps in her basement for the purpose of draw-string mommy-jeans sewing.

á Video surfaces of Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson saying that girls should be married off young before they get all educated and because 15-year-olds, "they’ll pick [clean] your ducks" He’s completely right, you know. Once girls turn 17 they’re more interested in picking clean the moronic statements made by old men with booger beards.

á Justin Bieber buys a puppy He hasn’t yet decided if he’ll abandon it in Germany as he did his monkey, give it to a fan as he did his hamster or just send it to a random person through the mail.

á Lena Dunham says she is under "great duress" to write all the time because of social media "That is really terrible," said all the girls around the world who aren’t allowed to attend school. "Would you like a hug?"

á Celebrity Math Question: If Leonardo DiCaprio sold his Malibu Colony house for $17.35 million after reducing the price from $23 million and 47 Ronin flopped, why did the theft of $100,000 in jewelry from Miley Cyrus appear to be an inside job? Answer: Quvenzhane Wallis stands to make $1.5 million plus 5 per cent of the profits from the remake of

Annie and cauliflower will reportedly be the number one trendy vegetable of 2014.

If you’re bored anyway, you may as well read my blog at thestar.com/stargazing