Loveless marriage poor example for children

I’ve been married for 23 years. After the first year, I realized that my wife was/is totally not into sex and doesn’t have a caring personality. She likes to consume and doesn’t like to give. We have two children.

Fourteen years ago I met my soulmate. She takes care of me and we have great sex. I love her. But I stayed in the marriage because of the kids.

Not long ago, my wife caught me and I was sure she’d end our marriage (she’d always proclaimed that), but it didn’t happen.

I ended it with the woman I love, for my kids’ sake, but after a couple of months we started seeing each other again. My wife caught us again, and again no divorce. I promised again not to see my love, and I tried for a few months, but I cannot be without her. So, we’re seeing each other again.

I’m afraid to divorce my wife because she threatens to tell the kids that I ruined our family and they might start to hate me. Will my wife ever divorce me? Trapped Probably not; you two have made a silent deal to endure each other’s failings, supposedly “for the kids’ sake.” You’ve shown them the model of a loveless marriage; you’ve both cheated yourselves out of being with someone in an openly loving relationship (your wife may have been capable of caring and giving with someone else).

And there’s a case to be made that you personally cheated your children out of the time you spent happier elsewhere.

But without the divorce you fear, they’ll only know what they’ve seen so far.

I recently gave birth to a son. My husband hasn’t worked since we married several years ago. He’s explored many career options, but nothing stuck. I’ve been working high-stress jobs to make ends meet while trying to guide him to a career. Finally, seven months pregnant, I told my in-laws that I was depleted. My mother-in-law responded with a critical email about involving them in our relationship, saying her job as a mother was completed 20 years ago. She was upset that her weekend was ruined and was surprised that her son hadn’t been working. I responded, saying a mother’s job is never done, that they’d put too much load on my shoulders, that it was no secret that my husband hasn’t been working and she should be more responsible to her children. She then apologized to my husband, who stood up for me. However, a week before giving birth, my husband’s brother emailed, criticizing me for not being more diplomatic with his mom. It was so awkward to see my in-laws in the delivery room that I apologized profusely just to make it more comfortable. My mother-in-law then said in front of everyone that it was all just due to my hormones. I’ve had to be strong with no help from her, only dismissals and criticisms. I now dread her visits and feel resentment that I suppress. If I approach my husband about it again he’ll get upset, so that’s not an option. In-law Divide Your mother-in-law is insensitive, critical, detached. That said, your own first salvo in this battle of strong-minded women was wrongheaded. You’re an adult who agreed to support a husband. If you two needed financial help, he should’ve approached his parents himself. If they couldn’t or wouldn’t help, he should’ve taken any job instead of waiting for the perfect “career.” Accept who she is. It’s her son you may secretly resent.