There’s nothing to win in playing dating games

I’m a divorced man, back on the dating scene for a couple of years, and confused about the current “rules of engagement,” or at least the way some women react these days.

I met a very attractive and interesting divorced woman, who’d taken on the role of social “matchmaker” by throwing large parties at her condo for all the unattached people she could mix together.

I asked my hostess for a date and we had good times together, twice. That ended recently, when she said she was busy on a particular evening.

Then, late on that day, she called to say that her plans were cancelled and she was now available.

But I’d had a hard day so said I was too tired to get together. We agreed to meet for drinks another evening.

But, after I’d waited for her for a while, she sent a text saying that she wasn’t coming. She said it was “payback” for my last cancellation.

Did I break a dating rule by admitting I was too tired? We’re both not kids — I’m 68, she’s 56. Confused Dater

No “rules” were broken, it was just reality made evident.

She wants to play the “femme fatale” role, with no interest in people who become “too tired” to see her.

She demonstrated that she can be too busy for you, but you better not give up your chance to see her.

The dating world no longer depends on a small circle of people you know, or are recommended to you.

It’s limitless, whether you go on- line, tap into hostess parties or organized singles groups.

The basic dating rule, however, is timeless: Be true to yourself.

You’re 68 and know your own energy. You cannot and shouldn’t try to jump when someone else says “Now or never.”

She may be a great acquaintance to have as you navigate your way through this new social path. But don’t expect her to hold your hand along the way.

My wife of two years is Canadian and Catholic; I’m also Canadianborn but my background’s Indian and Hindu.

My ex-wife takes our children to the Hindu temple and sometimes I take them. My new wife takes her son to church and sometimes I accompany them when they go. My children have asked to go to church occasionally with their new “brother” and he’s asked to go to the temple.

It’s all fine with us, but my ex is adamant that our children can’t go to church, ever.

I’ve said it’s about learning to understand and appreciate other religions, but she won’t listen to me. Unholy Fight

Your ex is feeling threatened. So let the topic rest awhile.

Neither of you is trying to convert the other’s children. This is about growing their knowledge and understanding of each other within your expanded family.

But your ex doesn’t feel a need to expand her knowledge of your new wife and stepson so she’s resistant (especially if she still holds bitter feelings about your divorce).

The children will become aware of the different religious and cultural practices without going to church or the temple. You and your wife will be sharing and explaining some of these at home.

When they’re older and more independent, your kids may insist on their right to go to visit a church with their stepmother.

But it’s best to support her wishes on this for as long as possible, to try to minimize any joint-custody tensions or other restrictive reactions from her.

Tip of the day Dating at any age has challenges, requiring you to stay true to your own principles.

Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays, at thestar.com/elliechat. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.

The dating world no longer depends on a small circle of people you know or are introduced to you. It’s limitless. The basic dating rule, however, is timeless: Be true to yourself