Be confident and move on from an uninterested guy

Over a couple of months, this guy at work and I talked, hung out and flirted several times.

But now he’s very distant, barely responding. When asked, he says he’s still interested, just busy.

Should I give up? He’ll still talk to me at work and kind of flirt.

I really like him, but he’s showing no effort. How do I get over it? Confused Signals His signals are clear — he’s not seriously interested in anything further.

There’s nothing to “get over.” You had no relationship and didn’t develop a connection.

People who hang out a few times don’t always click and shouldn’t expect that they will. For your own self-esteem, understand that this is not a rejection.

You’re just feeling awkward about things, but there’s no reason for it.

Smile, be pleasant, but don’t text or keep asking to get together. Have the confidence to show that if some- one’s not that interested, neither are you. And move on. I’m a single mother, 42, being bullied at work for more than a year. One colleague, whom I’m required to work with directly, tries to make me appear incompetent.

If our printer breaks, he tells everyone he saw me fiddling with the settings. If a customer inquires about an item, he tells everyone I gave out the wrong information. And more. My boss often questions me as to why I’d do or say these things. I always have to clarify and explain why I made the decisions that I actually made.

Recently, I overheard this particular colleague and another laughing and making fun of something I’d said. I heard my boss laughing along with them.

I was afraid to discuss with the office manager what I’d overheard.

She seems to believe most of what’s being said about me. Also, she’s friendly with my boss socially.

At home, I’ve documented all the rumours that I’ve heard about myself and debunked them with facts, emails, dates and times. The document’s now 25 pages long.

If I go above the office manager to complain, that’ll surely end my career with this company.

I’m looking for another job, but I’m unsure of what to do in the meantime. How can I deal with my deceitful colleagues and my boss, who’s participating in their behaviour? Woeful and Wondering Finding another job will probably provide the greatest improvement in your work life.

However, you need to make sure you clear some of these nasty rumours so your record is accurate when a potential employer makes inquiries.

Also, you need to protect your emotional health by trying to stay calm about your rights as an employee vs. one troublemaker creating team divisions.

Re-examine your over-long document and keep only brief accounts of what you did and what was said that was wrong.

Be specific about who is the petty, mean-spirited bully creating these mistruths.

Before going anywhere with the document, research your options, e.g. whether there’s a company workplace bullying policy, a labour relations board in your jurisdiction that deals with workplace harassment complaints, etc.

Then go to your office manager with it, but send a copy to whoever is higher up. Do not mention overhearing your boss laughing.

Say that you want your work record cleared of any of these misrepresentations about you. And you’d like the company to deal with the bullying.

If you get no positive results, consider seeing a labour lawyer for advice, especially if you find that your job-search is affected by all of this. Tip of the day Hanging out several times shouldn’t be assumed to be anything beyond a friendly get-together. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays, at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.