Don’t push your friends to set you up on dates

I’m a single male, 28, and made a new friend of the same age in a religious-faith sports league. He’s a nice guy. We seem to have much in common and started hanging out socially. This new friend is married (same religious faith).

I met his wife one time at the pub after our game finished. She also seemed quite nice and outgoing.

As I looked through each of their Facebook pictures, I noticed that the wife has some very beautiful friends, possibly single. We also know some of the same people within our faith community.

In initiating more social plans with the new friend and, of course, including the wife to join us, how do I draw her out in conversation in hopes that she can keep me in mind to fix up with one of her friends?

I’m an outgoing, extroverted person, but I don’t want to be too bold too early on.

I also know not to act like a desperate “third wheel.” I have a very socially active life, which includes a circle of single guys, but no female friends.

I didn’t purposely befriend this guy just because his wife might have some prospects for me. Seeking A Connection

You’re smart to not push too soon or too overtly for set-ups and not appear to be taking advantage of a new friendship.

Also, you don’t know if her friends are already attached.

Be careful not to choose only her most-beautiful friends or you’ll colour her impression of you as shallow . . . and, from your email, that doesn’t seem to be true.

Draw her out with a straightforward, honest account of yourself — you’re single, have no close female friends, hope to date and meet someone with similar interests (of the same faith? If so, add this).

Few married women with single girlfriends would fail to take the bait and run with it if she feels you’re trustworthy. That may take time, so once you’ve made your sincere pitch, don’t press for a response.

I had a baby with my boyfriend eight months ago. We’ve only had sex once since the baby was born. He couldn’t finish.

He says it’s because he’s gained weight and his confidence is down.

I’m not one to judge, so I constantly tell him he’s handsome and try to build him up and let him know how much I miss our sex life.

But nothing’s changed. I’ve even pleasured him, but he doesn’t touch me. I feel like he thinks I’m disgusting. It bothers me a lot and I don’t know what to do. No Sex

The first thing to do is build yourself up with the same encouragement and love you show him.

You’re a new mom, with all the beautiful feelings and joy that goes along with that role.

See yourself as your baby sees you when in your arms — smiling from your eyes and mouth, your face near and already dear, the tenderness in your heart shining through every gesture.

Speak to your boyfriend with selfconfidence that you can’t accept ongoing rejection. If his weight is a problem, he needs to do something about it.

If the new responsibilities of being a father have unsettled him to the point of affecting his libido, he needs to talk to his doctor about it.

Tell him this is a couples’ problem, that he needs to share with you and not just turn away.

Speak to your boyfriend with self-confidence that you can’t accept ongoing rejection

Tip of the day When seeking set-up for a date, show that you’re trustworthy and not only looking for arm candy. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice