Tell your crush you’ve noticed a change in your friendship
I met a guy a year ago on campus. We talked about almost everything under the sun. Later that night he sent me a message saying that I’d surprised him with my extensive knowledge on certain topics. We began a friendship.
He’s a very attractive guy, but I honestly wasn’t interested in him romantically or even sexually. So building our friendship was easy.
But now I’m starting to have feelings for him and am unsure if he feels the same. Meanwhile, I date uninspired guys and he doesn’t date at all. Two months ago, I noticed a change in his behaviour. He started to ask me if I wanted to hang out when usually I was the one making plans. He started complimenting me and keeping track of my long, dramatic stories about my day.
I’m a straightforward person so I really wanted to tell him how I feel and ask him if he feels the same.
But he’s the type who runs as soon as someone takes an interest. Should I talk to him and risk our friendship or should I be patient and hope it’s a passing feeling?
Take a Risk?
Talk to him. Say you’ve noticed a difference in your friendship . . . that it’s closer, that you appreciate that and that you look forward to hanging out together.
Let those thoughts simmer with him, rather than ask how he feels.
You’re still being straight forward — stating your case, as it were — without putting him on the spot and triggering his past habit of “running.”
He’s already showing signs of similar feelings. But let him develop and recognize them himself. Hang out together more and nature will take its course. I’m 18, female, from Indonesia, raised a Catholic. We go to church and my parents believe in God, but I don’t. I don’t disrespect Christianity, I’m . . . maybe agnostic.
I’ve never told this to either of my parents because I’m afraid of their reactions. I kept going to church, kept praying every night. I wanted to believe, but never really did.
I went to Singapore for university. Everyone there is so open-minded and I met people from many different places with many different religions, and I thought maybe it’s OK not to believe in God. Recently, I came home for the holidays and I accidentally let slip that I don’t believe in God. My mother views this as a sin. They’re both disappointed in me, I know. Now I’m caught between two sides — is it OK to be agnostic, or have I just failed my parents, failed myself?
I’m skeptical by nature, need to check if facts are true. Or was I not seeking God hard enough?
Between Belief and Scepticism
Your questions are natural, not sin. They’re part of an ages-long process of the human desire to find faith and meaning in life.
The greatest minds of all religions have asked these questions of themselves, in order to define and commit to their own beliefs.
There’s no need to dismiss your parents’ views while weighing your own. Faith is an internal debate, never a matter of who’s “right” and who’s “wrong.”
Follow your questions with study. Talk to faith leaders you respect — possibly your own at home, others too — and ask the existential questions about religion that can’t be proven, yet are widely believed.
It’s a personal journey that takes time and maturity and needn’t be a rebellion against your parents. You can still attend church with them out of respect, while you privately build your own system of understanding how and why we’re here.
Tip of the day
Let someone know you appreciate them and see if his/her feelings develop on their own.
Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays, at thestar.com/elliechat. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.