Full House musical ought to cut it out
Full House! The Musical! is not very good.
But the producers of Full House! The Musical! likely won’t be bothered by a negative review, no matter how many unresolved plot points, offensive portrayals of young women or moments of just plain bad comedy we can list. Actually, that would be difficult — not because there aren’t very many, but because it’s hard to quote most of the show’s raunchy dialogue in a print publication of record.
No, the producers of Full House! The Musical! — National Lampoon, David Galpern and Starvox Entertainment — already have all the marketing points they need. It’s a musical parody based on a toothless ’90s family sitcom, and also one that happens to be enjoying a moment of nostalgia-fuelled popularity (Lifetime just aired a behind-the-scenes TV movie, The Unauthorized Full House Story, and Netflix is filming a sequel starring most of the original cast called Fuller House).
Plus there’s the show’s big star, celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton, appearing as the family patriarch Danny Tanner. It’s stunt casting of a semifamiliar name in a role that’s a big enough professional non-sequitur to attract a crowd of theatrical rubberneckers. (Did we mention that Starvox is also bringing David Arquette to Toronto this fall to play Sherlock Holmes?)
On opening night in Toronto, the show’s trial period before its official New York opening next month, there was nothing to suggest that Hilton could pull off a leading role in a musical. His cast mates, on the other hand, are all perfectly capable singers and performers confined to an embarrassing script.
Writing and directing team Bob and Tobly McSmith have a following in the U.S. for shows like Bayside! The Musical! and Showgirls! The Musical! (sensing a theme?), but their shock jock appeal was completely lost on Wednesday night. Comedy is subjective, but Full House! The Musical! seems confused: it appeals to twenty-something fans who grew up with the wholesome TV show but has the attitude of old, white, male comedians suddenly silenced by audiences who are too uptight.
Before cries of “It’s a parody! It’s satire!” echo in the comment section, there have been some great musical parodies, notably Evil Dead: The Musical, which skewered its characters and tropes while landing clever jokes, telling a coherent story and delivering songs you’re humming out the door. Full House! The Musical! has a few moments of clarity when it points out the morbid premise of a widower as the central character, the silent but powerful religious presence in the original show or the absurd innuendo of “doing your taxes.” But these were all lost in aperfect storm of pointless plot lines, lazy catchphrases, boring one-liners, unoriginal sex jokes and several incomprehensibly offensive songs about women.
If it wasn’t already clear, this is not a show for the kids, though there’s no visible warning on any material to suggest a mature audience only. Maybe mature isn’t the right word.
It’s hard to imagine what producers thought they were adding to Toronto’s cultural scene with a rough, lowbudget preview of Full House! The Musical! There are plenty of local comedians doing TV-themed improv shows, such as Gilmore GirlProv and the Star Trek- themed Holodeck Follies, and doing it better. Please give them your money instead.