How to avoid awkward family conversations this Thanksgiving
Turkey and tact can go hand-in-hand so long as you skip the personal questions
Thanksgiving is a welcome excuse to spend quality time with loved ones and express gratitude for all that we have while wearing elastic-waisted pants and partaking in 12 different kinds of carbs.
But for some, the mere sight of frozen turkeys at the grocery store initiates frissons of dread. Soon, it will be time to be bombarded by tactless questions from relatives who, despite possessing the very best of intentions, just do not get it.
Certainly, not many people set out to intentionally make the people they love feel sad, awkward or otherwise terrible about themselves. That’s why it’s so important to think carefully before launching into lines of questioning that skew personal or that could be misread as judgmental.
If you’re concerned that you might be among those who ask inappropriate questions at family gatherings, check to see if any of the below looks familiar. I gathered some of the worst offenders via unscientific Twitter poll and have recreated them below, along with my suggestions on how to more positively engage with your loved ones.
What you would like to say: So! How’s your love life? What you should probably say instead: So! How’s your pet/job/apartment/creative pursuit?
Until they introduce you to their significant other, your relative’s love life (or complete lack thereof ) is none of your business. Instead of being nosy and unintentionally making your son/daughter/ niece/nephew/cousin feel terribly about something that may not be going very well for them right now, ask them for an update on something they already have and are already happy and excited about.
Think carefully before launching into inquiries that could be misread as judgmental
Their pets and careers are often sources of happiness and interesting or funny anecdotes.
(Be sure to do your homework and make sure that they haven’t recently been laid off and that their beloved pooch has not retired to the big kennel in the sky. Deeply, deeply awkward.)
What you would like to say: Dear, have you lost weight? What you should probably say instead: Dear, have you lost your iPhone?
Don’t worry! There’s an app for that.
What you would like to say: Are you thinking of starting a family anytime soon? What you should probably say instead: Are you thinking of going on vacation anytime soon?
Useful life hack: unless you’re a very specific type of doctor, never inquire about the status of somebody’s uterus.
Questions about family planning are intrusive at best and extremely hurtful at worst (you may not be aware if a couple is struggling with fertility issues).
Questions about future children should be roundly kiboshed, but here is what people like being asked about: their future vacations!
Even if they’re not planning any major trips, they’ll probably excitedly tell you that they’ve been thinking about spending a weekend in Prince Edward County.
Then someone will chime in that Prince Edward County is lovely at this time of year and perhaps suggest a bed and breakfast and everybody will be happy.
Family peace maintained. Excellent work, everyone! What you would like to say: When are you two getting married? You’re not getting any younger, you know. What you should probably say instead: Would you please pass the sweet potatoes? Smart move! Aunt Marguerite makes the most delicious sweet potatoes. By all means, have some more.