Stop comparing your relationship to others

I’ve been with my significant other for four years and am more in love with him than anyone before. We both make decent money. I’m ready to start our next chapter together.

All of our couple friends have bought houses, some are married with children, engaged or soon-to-be, and we’re both still at our parents’ homes deciding where our sleepovers will be.

I try not to compare to others, but with social media everyone’s relationships are in my face. I feel, “Why isn’t this happening to me?” Maybe he doesn’t want to move out because at home, everything’s done for him. I show him houses in good neighbourhoods with fairly good prices and I make up budgets, but I get no positive feedback.

He’s never said no to the idea of moving out and buying a house together, but at almost 30, maybe he’d rather be with his family than start one with me. Am I just envious of my friends and their accomplishments? I try not to raise this because it only starts arguments. Like High-School Dating

Comparisons create a slippery slope. You finally get a house together and friends buy a cottage. They start travelling to faraway places while you’re mortgage-strapped.

If envy’s driving you, cut back on Facebook and other social media “sharing.”

Does he want to move in with you? If not, why not?

If he’s unsure of what you two can really afford, suggest renting an apartment for a year to see how the budget works.

The important goal is being together. If he’s not ready for it, rethink the relationship. My husband and I have been together for 15 years (married for seven); he’s 50 and I’m 49. We each have a child from previous marriages and one together. We also seriously dated years ago. We broke up and were married to others.

At a recent family dinner for my husband’s 50th birthday, I learned that my sister-in-law offered to “take” him to England as a birthday gift.

His family’s from the U.K., he’s the only child born here. My sister-inlaw’s married to a wealthy man and travels frequently, up to twice a year, to the U.K.

We’re self-employed and struggle to pay the bills when customers don’t pay on time. He’s long said he wants to take me to England.

I can’t invite myself along because it was her offer and she’s paying. I’m heartbroken. It’s unlikely we’ll ever afford to go ourselves. Our only getaways are annual motorcycle trips, to six hours away.

If it can’t work out a way to go with your husband to England, wish him a good trip. Make “next time” a joint goal, as soon as possible

My sister-in-law knows I’ve never been abroad and that my husband’s talked about taking me there.

The trip’s being planned for the month before I have my 50th birthday. Stumped

It’s up to your husband to thank her and then say he feels terrible going without you but can’t afford to take you.

He might say that since it’s also your 50th coming up, that if she can get another seat on points (from all her travels), or get two charter seats cheaper, he’d be very grateful, because he hates leaving you behind.

If he can’t bring himself to do that, forget any negative feelings toward your sister-in-law (she likely thinks this is a grand gesture) and take a hard, practical look at your budget.

Could you arrange or afford the needed babysitters if you both went to England?

Is there any other plan or expense you could forego to buy another ticket, at the cheapest fare?

If it just can’t work out, wish your husband a good trip. Make “next time” a joint goal, as soon as possible. Tip of the day Face your own issues, not comparisons to others. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice.