Money matters need not be a sticking point for couples

Start by being upfront about who you are, how you feel about money, what’s important to you

Opposites attract. Birds of a feather flock together.

So are you and your mate like two peas in a pod or as different as chalk and cheese?

We can love a body without ever understanding what makes that body tick.

Even couples that have been together for eons sometimes scratch their heads at the things their mates do.

That’s because we are evolving creatures, constantly responding to the stimuli around us, constantly growing, constantly changing.

It you’re getting married — and planning to spend a long, Long, LONG time together — it’s important that you and your partner understand how you think and feel about money. It’s just as important that you figure out if you’re a money match or a money mismatch.

Not feeling the same about money doesn’t mean the wedding is an automatic no-go, but people who are less compatible do face more challenges.

Those who subvert their own money personality to match their mate’s are just asking for trouble. It can’t last.

And when your mate finds out you’ve been pretending, it’s going to be a tough pill to swallow.

Coming up with a plan for how you both will manage your money means negotiating a common ground.

Start by being upfront about who you are, how you feel about money, what’s important to you and what isn’t.

Listen and accept your partner’s open and frank discussions about what makes him or her tick.

Once you’ve got it all on the table, work together to come up with a plan that keeps you both happy.

Money means different things to different people.

When two people bring emotional baggage to a relationship — particularly the emotional baggage that surrounds money, which they never talk about — the relationship can turn into a power struggle and life can feel more like strife.

One of the easiest ways to start the money conversation is by talking about what you’re most comfortable with and what you feel is most risky.

Since many money issues have a comfort/risk component, it’s easy to move from a general discussion to a more specific money talk. Talk about:

How much money do you need in the bank to feel safe?

What kinds of investments do you feel are safe (for you) or risky?

How much debt is too much debt?

What kind of debt are you willing to take on? How much insurance is enough? When you have children, how will you keep them financially safe?

As you get to know each other, you should work to clarify each other’s goals. If your dream is airy-fairy (“I’d like to own a house”), nail it down (what kind of house, where, when, how much?).

You’ll also need to talk about your different approaches to planning.

For while one of you may be all spontaneity and impulse, the other may be a structure freak.

Figure out what’s important to both of you, so you can draw on each other’s strengths to create a solid money match. Gail Vaz-Oxlade is host of Til Debt Do Us Part and Prince$$. Follow her on Twitter @GailVazOxlade. She blogs daily at gailvazoxlade.com.