READY TO RUMBLE (AND FUMBLE)
Bruce Arthur makes his picks as the NFL playoffs kick off.
Remember last year’s NFL playoffs? You probably remember the highlights, partly hidden in a blur of beers and snacks and trips to the bathroom. Actually, if you are young, this may be how entire years are remembered. Value your youth, young people. Have fun and take naps and go to Europe and New Orleans. Time will come for you, eventually.
Time comes for everyone. Tom Brady and Gisele have this new chef, and he told the Boston Globe what he feeds them.
“So, 80 per cent of what they eat is vegetables. (I buy) the freshest vegetables. If it’s not organic, I don’t use it. And whole grains: brown rice, quinoa, millet, beans. The other 20 per cent is lean meats: grass-fed organic steak, duck every now and then, and chicken. As for fish, I mostly cook wild salmon.
“It’s very different than a traditional American diet. But if you just eat sugar and carbs — which a lot of people do — your body is so acidic, and that causes disease. Tom recently outed Frosted Flakes and Coca-Cola on WEEI. I love that he did that. Sugar is the death of people.”
Young people, this is basically the kind of thing you have to do to be older and still playing sports every weekend. Tom Brady is 38, which in athlete years is somewhere between 55 and 75. He has said he wants to play another seven years, and his body coach is a shady ex-concussion recovery juice salesman who keeps him young, and even then, he has a sprained ankle as the playoffs start.
Luckily Brady has a week off, and even then his potential AFC competition is a mess. In Denver another old man, Peyton Manning, is back in the starting lineup after seven weeks as a backup, during which he was accused of using Human Growth Hormone, like he was Vince McMahon or an athlete or something. The Broncos have a monster defence, and a quarterback whose passes now travel in nostalgic slow motion.
(Passer ratings of playoff teams, leaguewide rank: 1. Seattle, 109.8. 2. Cincinnati, 104.1. 3. Washington, 102.0 4. New England, 101.9. 5. Arizona, 100.9. 7. Carolina, 99.2. 9. Kansas City, 95.4. 13. Green Bay, 92.7. 14. Pittsburgh, 91.2. 20. Minnesota, 87.9. 24. Houston, 85.3. 31. Denver, 76.3.)
The Cincinnati Bengals don’t have their starting quarterback at all right now. The Houston Texans’ QB depth chart goes Brian Hoyer, Brandon Weeden, B.J. Daniels. Kansas City is hot, but is trying to win with Alex Smith and Andy Reid. Pittsburgh’s kind of scary, because Antonio Brown caught 136 passes while basically looking like he was dancing.
But the AFC is sickly, while growling monsters like Seattle, Carolina and Arizona prowl the NFC, so the old men have a chance. Brady recorded his highest passer rating in four years, and the fourth-highest of his career, with a so-so
Brady is 38, which in athlete years is somewhere between 55 and 75
offensive line and weapons who kept getting hurt.
The Patriots have lost four of their last six, but they have a shot because of Brady, in the year of Brady.
We only have so many years of Brady and Manning left, you know. Sugar can be the death of people, but so can football.
Last week this space went 9-7, and finished over . . . .500? Weird, man. As always, all lines could change.
THE PICKS
Kansas City (-3.5) at Houston
The Chiefs haven’t lost since midOctober. Their five early losses came against four different playoff teams — Denver, at Green Bay, at Cincinnati, at Minnesota — plus a onepoint loss to Chicago. And while they can run the ball, they rank . . . 30th in passing yards per game. Even Houston was 19th, one spot ahead of Seattle. Can a team carefully 1983-style its way through the 2016 playoffs? Let’s watch. Pick: Kansas City 24, Houston 21
Pittsburgh (-3) at Cincinnati
Poor Cincinnati.
This felt like the year they might be something other than a paper accordion, and then starting QB Andy Dalton hurts his thumb, and now they need AJ McCarron to game manage them past a Steelers team that beat them 33-20 in the game where Dalton got hurt in the first quarter. Can Marvin Lewis finally win a playoff game with the first Alabama quarterback to win an NFL game since 1987? Pick: Cincinnati 23, Pittsburgh 20
Seattle (-5) at Minnesota
Me, I’m picking Seattle to win the Super Bowl over . . . hell, Cincinnati? — after losing the last one in such spectacular fashion. They led in the fourth quarter in every one of their five losses but one. Three of those leads were lost in the final minute. They have to play at 10 a.m. Pacific in Minnesota to start, outdoors, then would have to go to Carolina, then probably to Arizona. But in the second half of the season Russell Wilson threw 25 touchdowns versus two interceptions, and half those games were against playoff teams. I trust Seattle. Pick: Seattle 27, Minnesota 20
Green Bay (-1) at Washington
To be honest, this space has been picking against Washington all season on principle, because though this space is fine with being mediocre at picking football games, even the smallest spark of hope that the Washingtons could fail to humiliate owner Dan Snyder is intolerable. While still hoping for the humiliation of Dan Snyder, this is an honest, uncomfortable pick. Pick: Washington 30, Green Bay 27 Last week: 9-7. Season: 130-120-5.