Stop lying about your mixed-faith relationship

I’m 20 and in a one-year relationship. He’s always kind to me and accepts me for what I am.

I feel guilty because I can’t be the same for him. Although we get along well, there are many differences between us.

He’s the definition of who-notto-date, according to my racist parents: He’s 21, not Muslim, an African-American, doesn’t have a stable job and not attending college or university since he can’t afford tuition. My parents don’t know that I’m dating him and the guilt is eating me up.

He’s serious about our relationship, while I’m doubting it. He’s willing to convert and comply to anything needed to be together, but I don’t want to mould him to my parents’ ideal and my own ideal of a man.

The longer I’m with him, the more I’m in love with him, but the more I lie to my parents. What should I do? Lost in Romance

Stop lying to your parents, and possibly to yourself, too. You’ve spent a year being defiant that he’s everything they’ll reject.

Look closer at your motives — if these are the background reasons for why you’re attracted to him, they’re misguided and unfair to him.

Your parents may be racists . . . or, they may feel more broadly that mixed-faith marriages are a harder choice.

What matters is what you really love in this man, and whether you’re prepared to commit to him longterm, as he wants, at 20 years old.

If not, encourage him to get more education for his future independence and take a six-month break. I’m almost 39 weeks pregnant and living with my mother, a single parent, and my older sister, who is 30 years old.

My boyfriend lives with his parents. My mother’s done everything for my sister and me. But she screams about everything and curses a lot. She can be very demeaning and hurtful. She’s also very controlling.

My sister, who dislikes my boyfriend for no reason, reports whatever I say (e.g. about me moving out with him) and my mom gets emotional. When he comes around, my mother yells and swears at him.

He finally said, “I don’t want my son around this.”

She then said she didn’t want him at her house. She and my boyfriend haven’t talked since. She now knows I’m leaving my family to go live with his, and sees it as betrayal.

I told my boyfriend we all need to discuss it together. But I’m afraid it’ll create another screaming match. I want my mom to understand that I love her and no one’s going to take her grandson from her. But there’s more room at my boyfriend’s house and it’s better for the baby. I don’t want my mom to think that my boyfriend’s the reason for my move and hate him because of it. Moving Out

The decision to move is wise on every level.

If you stayed, your mother’s control and your sister’s intrusions would upset you both and create great stress on your relationship, affecting your baby too.

Hopefully, you can convince your mom that she’s a valued grandmother by visiting her with the baby, on your own or going on some outings together.

Try to have her invited to your in-law’s home for a visit or meal sometimes, so that she’s less likely to erupt at your boyfriend.

She needs to accept him as the father of her grandchild and your partner in raising the baby. And you need to support your boyfriend in that role. Tip of the day

A serious relationship needs more common goals than defying your parents.

A serious relationship needs more common goals between partners than just defying your strict, religious parents