Confront partner about attraction to brother

I’ve been with my partner for almost a year and lately he’s started commenting often about one of my brothers.

At first, he was mentioning my brother often and then also asking often if my brother would be at family dinners and other events.

It’s become problematic for me because I feel like my partner may have an attraction to my brother.

I didn’t initially give it much thought, but it seems to be happening even more often and has now become an issue for me.

How should I deal with this? The Other Brother?

Deal straightforwardly, as your partner should be dealing with you.

Tell him that he’s mentioned your brother so often, that it’s clear he has an interest in him of some sort, whether he realizes it or not.

If he protests, denies or tries to deflect from the topic, say that it’s better for both of you if he thinks about this and comes to a direct, honest response.

If he is attracted to your brother, you need to know.

There may be some understandable explanation, such as admiration for something your brother does or knows, or how he treats him, etc.

Consider also, whether there’s history between you and your brother that makes you feel insecure about him and your partner.

Be prepared that if your partner admits to wanting to do something about his “attraction,” you have your response at the ready.

Judging from your unease so far, it’d be impossible for you to tolerate his even having a crush on your brother. This year I had a great Christmas. My family got along well, my son had a great time and it was the first to celebrate with my wonderful boyfriend.

My issue is this: I read the news every morning.

I like to know what’s going on and where. But all I’m seeing is how this person got stabbed in the mall, or that woman did “such and such” to her baby.

I want to know how I can still read the news, but leave the most depressing things out.

It’s supposed to be a loving and warm time for families and all I see is greed and misconception. It saddens me more than anything. Avoiding Bad News

News media cover a vast range of happenings from global issues such as climate change to community incidents of robberies.

They’re meant to inform, alert, motivate and serve as a significant warning system when necessary.

If all that you read feels depressing, it’s partly because, for some reason, you focus on that aspect of the news. You could turn it around and realize, as many do, how lucky you are to be having happy family gatherings at holiday times and to have a loving partner.

In a world where huge populations are denied peaceful lives by civil wars, terrorism, poverty and natural disasters, you can feel enormous gratitude for the life you have and share those positive feelings with those around you.

You need to know about what’s going on, to be strong in your own values and to choose positive living and peace whenever you can.

However, if you tend toward depression, talk to a doctor or therapist, and learn to develop your own calming strategies.

This can include keeping bright lights on inside during the shorter, darker days, listening to upbeat music, going outside for walks and other exercise, and reading books and poetry that lift your spirits. Tip of the day When there are clear signals of a possible “attraction” elsewhere, confront your partner directly. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Ellie chats at noon Wednesdays at thestar.com/elliechat. Follow @ellieadvice