Stop making your single friends want to throttle you
This time of year is never easy for singles who don’t want to be single. If you’re in a relationship and have single friends, here are pointers on being respectful and kind to them.
No one wants to come off as a “smug married” (with apologies to Helen Fielding). Stop blaming them for their singleness Maybe your single friends aren’t single because they’re too picky, too desperate, not putting themselves out there, putting themselves out there too much, have high standards, have low standards, don’t know what they want or aren’t ready for romantic love on a subconscious level. Maybe — just maybe — they haven’t lucked out into finding the right person yet. Don’t tell them how jealous you are of their lives “Your life sounds like so much fun! Gosh, I wish I were single again!” Guess what, married person? You can totally be single again! All you have to do is end your happy, healthy, romantic, comforting, comfortable and financially advantageous relationship with your best friend and ally of X years. A whole universe of bad first dates, social judgments and lonely nights awaits! Exciting, right? Hang out with them one on one Don’t be that person who makes plans with their single friend only to haul your partner along with you, completely unannounced. It makes your single pal feel like a third wheel and makes you seem crazily codependent. Conceivably, you can spend a few hours not in the company of your boyfriend/girlfriend/ partner/spouse. I mean, you probably won’t waste away from not breathing the same air as your Pookie for a little while. Hook them up Make it your personal mission to find your single friends love and happiness. Not nearly enough coupled people make the effort to introduce their single friends to other single friends in their work/life/ social/neighbourhood circles. Make a concerted effort to play amateur matchmaker, or do them a serious solid and hire a professional (I can recommend someone awesome, but I’m slightly biased). Never say these terrible words “It’ll happen when you least expect it/when you’re not looking!” Spoiler alert: single people are always looking. Always. That young professionals networking event they went to? They were hoping to meet someone. That weeknight book launch? They were hoping to make eyes with a beautiful stranger from across the room. The grocery store? The TTC? The library? Their eyes were peeled, my friend.
When you’re single and don’t want to be, practically every time you leave the house, you think, “Maybe today is the day.”
It happened for me when I was actively looking. It’ll happen for them, probably also when they are looking 24/7.
By telling them it will happen when they’re not looking or expecting, you’re effectively telling them not to look for love or expect love or it will never happen; an unboiling pot. Sassbox appears every other Tuesday. Sofi Papamarko is a writer and matchmaker who lives in Toronto. Reach her at facebook.com/sofipapamarko.