Your feelings come first, even with your ‘first’

I recently lost my virginity to a guy who lives nearby. A week later, my so-called friend slept with him. I’ve forgiven them both, but kept them at arm’slength since.

I’ve finally given a close friend a chance (after two of three years), and although we’re not together, I care for him.

I also care for the other guy, my first. I’m happy and comfortable with this close friend, but my first is acting funny, maybe jealous.

He’s been doing little slick things and been really petty about the situation.

He thinks I’m mad at him, but I don’t know what to say to him anymore.

Now that I’m happy, he comes rushing back, suddenly misses me, and says, “We need to talk about what we are.”

I don’t know what to do and I don’t want anyone’s feelings to get hurt.

Between A Rock and Hard Place

Look in the mirror. This is about you and how you want to live, not about keeping every guy you know happy.

Your “first” immediately moved on to your “friend.” He didn’t care about your feelings, just about getting more sex. Why care about him? Why get caught up in whatever his “little slick things” are?

He just wants to break up your current closeness with this friend.

Keep looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you’re in charge of your body and your choices.

Then tell your first sex partner that he threw away having any further chance with you.

And mean it. I was born in Europe, but have lived in Canada my entire life. I go to school and have lots of great friends. I do really well in my studies, especially English.

But for four years my mom has been demanding that we move to Europe. And my dad has given in.

Going to school will be a disaster. Without knowing the native language, my grades will drop.

Also, I don’t have the good looks that can steal a crowd. It’s just the people I hang out with that keep me from being lonely.

If I move, I’ll be a loner. Plus, my parents are overprotective and I still don’t have a phone.

A counsellor can help your parents understand why you don’t want to move back to Europe and also help you see their point of view

My grandparents try to convince me to move, but I love my house, my school and friends.

With the terrorist news from Europe, I don’t know why my parents want to take me out of safety.

This summer, I’m heading to Europe for my aunt’s wedding and I’m scared about having to stay there forever.

What should I do? I’m not a crazy teen. I just can’t move. Terrible Drama

Take a deep breath and ask your parents to help you. Say (without yelling) that you won’t or can’t move, that you’re extremely anxious at even the thought of moving.

Say that it’s interfering with everything at school and at home.

Suggest that you all go to a family counsellor and hear each other out. Say that you’ll be willing to try and understand why they want this move if they can be willing to hear how it affects you.

If they refuse this idea, ask at school to see a counsellor or talk to a trusted teacher. You need to air out your fears with a neutral professional, perhaps even your family doctor to help deal with increasing anxiety.

Tip of the day

Someone who plays fast and loose with your feelings doesn’t deserve your loyalty, even if he/she is your “first.” Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.