Ditching friend just before prom is disturbing
Two of my close friends in high school made a pact that if neither of them had a steady girlfriend/ boyfriend by graduation, they’d go to their prom together, no strings attached.
In the last few weeks, she’s found aboyfriend (who doesn’t go to our school and doesn’t know many people).
She’s invited him to all the grad events and parties, including the prom.
Her original date is the sweetest, most caring guy I know.
He went to great lengths to stage a classic proposal, bought his suit to compliment her dress and agonized over the flower selection to match.
Her new beau hasn’t contributed at all. She’s become very cold to my friend and hints that she may bail on her original promise.
He’s aware of the new boyfriend and has been a complete gentleman throughout.
I told her she’s being very insensitive and that she should honour her promise. Now she’s mad at me. Disappointed Friend
I received this email too late to publish before the prom.
It seems that your female friend was determined to have what she felt was a “real” date.
Yes, she was very insensitive and showed a disturbing side of her character.
She could’ve shown herself to be so much better than that . . . even by inviting her new boyfriend to join them before, after or during the prom.
What a generous and fun attentiongetter that would’ve been for everyone involved!
Instead, she’s disappointed two friends about much more than the prom. My boyfriend of more than a year and I are very happy.
We have sex pretty regularly — maybe once every two weeks or so. We’re both very busy. When we have sex, we both prefer the rough stuff — he dominates me and I’m submissive. I love it. But I’m worried that we never “make love,” like I’ve done with previous boyfriends — the slow, looking into each other’s eyes and feeling the strong passionate kind of sex. I’m worried that this means we’re not in love enough.
Does our preference for rough sex mean we’re missing something? Whenever we get intimate we just automatically go into the rough stuff.
Is this bad? Not Romantic Enough?
I’m not going to judge your sex life . . . you say you love it, and you love him. So long as you both consent to rough sex, and you have boundaries for safety, it’s your business.
Yet you worry about missing something, since you clearly enjoyed the intimacy of past relationships and associate that with “making love” beyond the sex act. You obviously miss it. Tell him so. Being submissive in sex doesn’t mean you have to be dominated in the whole relationship.
If you’re not equals and capable of speaking up about wanting change sometimes, it won’t last. Feedback regarding a difficult mother-in-law (June 14):
Reader: “I see many similarities with my own mother in terms of obsessiveness, compulsion, cognitive triggers and, yes, nastiness and vindictiveness toward family. “Stubbornness is there too. “In retrospect, I now see that these were early warning signs of dementia or Alzheimer’s disease.
“Punishment, pointing out a relative’s anti-social behaviour, or ‘stickand-carrot’ tactics don’t register with this type of behaviour.
“In my case, I wrote a stern letter to my mother pointing out her shortcomings and thoughtlessness toward others.
“But I realized it simply didn’t register and no emotions emerged.
“She was on another planet, although capable in many other ways.
“Just a thought on this type of behaviour. As usual, one has a PhD in hindsight.” Tip of the day Switching prom dates close to time reveals a shallow character. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.