How to handle faith-based handshake rebuff at work

At a business meeting, a man refused to shake hands with me and all the other women in the room, citing “religious restrictions.” He proceeded to shake hands with the men. He was, I might add, otherwise respectful. I love the diversity in this country; normally my belief would be that religious freedoms should be respected. But this bothered me. What can be done in this situation?

The issue is not whether “religious freedoms should be respected.” Here in the land of St. Justin the Shirtless, we affirm that principle without hesitation. Your colleague has the right to practise his faith, whatever it may be.

The issue — and it’s a difficult one to address in our politically correct culture — is whether that right to practise his religion supersedes (I can’t bring myself to use the word “trump”) your right to be treated as fully equal in your workplace. To put it simply: if a person practices a faith that requires him to relate to women differently than men, is it OK to act out that belief in the workplace or other public forum?

And the answer, in my opinion, is clearly “no.”

Within the cloistered walls of religious institutions an argument can be made that it’s acceptable for men and women to sing from different songbooks. We might even concede that the Bible’s injunction that a man shall “rule over” his wife (Genesis 3:16) might be applied in some “religious” homes, as long as that relationship is consensual and nonabusive. Those are arguments for another time.

What’s absolutely not OK is taking these attitudes and transferring them to the world where the rest of us live — whether that’s the boardroom, theatre, school or any other secular venue.

In those places, we’ve all got to play by the rules of a 21st century pluralistic society — a society that has decreed, by social consensus as well as law, that women have every right, privilege and responsibility afforded to men, and that those rights exist regardless of sexual orientation, ethnicity or creed.

So how should you respond to behaviour that violates that principle?

Begin by speaking privately to your colleague. Calmly explain why you experience his behaviour as offensive. Make clear that, while you respect his right to practise his religion, that right does not extend to treating you as a subordinate.

In all likelihood, given his generally “respectful” nature, he’ll respond that he had no intention of making you feel inferior, but that his faith simply prohibits casual physical contact with women.

You need, then, to make clear that whether or not that was his intention, the effect is that you felt diminished. Then propose a solution. Suggest that, seeing his faith makes it impossible to shake hands with everyone, you will jointly propose, at the next meeting, that the practice of handshaking, or other such physical contact, be eliminated from meetings at your place of work.

I’m betting (even though my faith prohibits gambling) that he’ll agree. If so, you both need to share your agreement with colleagues. They’ll be pleased. These days, most people hate shaking hands anyways; everybody’s afraid of catching something.

But for heaven’s sake, don’t hug each other to celebrate. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca

DREAMSTIME Does a man’s right to practise his chosen faith supersede a woman’s right to be treated as an equal in the workplace? The answer is clearly “no.”