Friends can be support for Alzheimer’s patient
My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It is painful, as it seems many of her friends have disappeared. What now? Searching for Social
This is a question that comes up day after day in my practice. It is a complicated one, as dementia presents many issues for the individual, the caregiver and the social circle around them. The first question I would ask is whether her friends have actually been told that there is an illness present.
It is often assumed that they know and they very well may suspect something, but sharing this information is a key element to dealing with friends. They need to be told what their friend is struggling with. Explain the illness and that it is progressive, yet not a normal part of aging.
The symptoms of dementia are often terrifying for people. They are faced with their own frailties and issues of aging and decline. Imagine seeing your childhood or work friend suddenly not coping with basic activities, or not conversing with you in a normal way. People back away in fear and through ignorance of what to do and how to behave.
Good friends need to know what areas are being affected (memory, speech or other functions) and most importantly, how they can help and interact. Inviting them to have a cup of coffee or phone call with you and discussing your mom’s specific needs is the best place to start. Edu- cation is often at the heart of this issue.
People with good intentions find a way to be involved even if it is in a different way. The key is in them knowing their role and knowing what to expect from their friend — your mom.
You need to give her friends a road map. Tell them they are there to comfort and maintain your mom’s identity and self-worth. They need to know their presence is important.
Be honest! If what you want is company for mom, say it. “I would love you to drop by and sit with her for a bit and share some old memories.”
Having an activity planned for them to do with your mom can work as well. Ask if they can “take mom to the coffee shop and have a snack.” Discuss what challenges are present doing these tasks and explain that it is not the friend’s lack of ability but rather the disease that elicits these obstacles.
An individual with dementia may very well be misunderstood. You may need to explain to friends and loved ones that your mom may not have all her verbal skills, yet still enjoys things like looking at photos and discussing familiar topics. You may need to teach her friends that they don’t need to correct misstatements but should instead just be present and hold a hand.
If your schedule allows, offer to be there for a first visit to bridge the gap. You can role model how to interact. As a caregiver, you too may benefit from help and if offered, take the person up on it.
Honesty and education are the keys to this relationship; and again, this subject is a challenge that you will likely need to face head-on.