Combat loneliness by saying yes
Doing what’s scary can help you make new connections
We’re experiencing a loneliness epidemic.
More of us live alone now compared to ever before, and a recent New York Times article says the percentage of American adults who report they’re lonely has doubled since the 1980s. Now, it’s a sky-high at 40 per cent.
And it gets worse. A recent meta-analysis titled “Social Relationships and Mortality Risk” shows loneliness creates double the mortality risk of obesity and is actually even greater than the risk of smoking. Suddenly, it feels like many of us are facing a particularly bleak future.
Do you ever feel lonely? Or know others who do? I certainly felt that way when I crash-landed downtown after my divorce years ago. Suddenly I had no friends, no family and no social structure around me. It took me time to invent a two-word philosophy to kick myself out of the gloom and doom. What was it? Say Yes. Definitely not revolutionary, but it changed my behaviour so much. Suddenly I was saying yes to anything I was asked to do. I found myself volunteering for charity functions, going to the play with six people in the audience and saying yes to any event anybody asked me to attend with them.
Shonda Rhimes, creator and producer of shows such as Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice, delivered a TED Talk called “My year of saying yes to everything.”
In it she says: “So a while ago, I tried an experiment. For one year, I would say yes to all the things that scared me.
Anything that made me nervous, took me out of my comfort zone, I forced myself to say yes to.
Did I want to speak in public? No, but yes. Did I want to be on live TV? No, but yes . . . And a crazy thing happened: the very act of doing the thing that scared me undid the fear, made it not scary. My fear of public speaking, my social anxiety, poof, gone . . . ‘Yes’ changed my life. ‘Yes’ changed me.”
Yes puts you in situations you’re not comfortable with and helps you get out there.
How big is the relationship between social ties and happiness? Gigantic.
According to Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, who wrote the famous book Stumbling on Happiness, “If I wanted to predict your happiness and I could know only one thing about you, I wouldn’t want to know your gender, religion, health or income. I’d want to know about your social network — about your friends and family and the strength of the bonds with them.”
Say yes. Say yes. Get out there! When you sign up for things you’re scared to do, go on trips you never thought you’d go on and sign up for activities you have no business doing, guess what happens? You meet new people, you create new relationships, you combat loneliness head-on . . . and you become happier.
And if a Year of Yes sounds too intimidating, no problem.
Start with a Day of Yes today.
And take it from there.
Neil Pasricha is the New York Times bestselling author of The Book of Awesome and The Happiness Equation. His bi-weekly column helps us live a good life. Watch his new TED Talk at thestar.com/pasricha.