> HOW TO HELP SOMEONE WHO IS EXPERIENCING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Another main theme in A Better Man is how trauma is amplified when no one intervenes. At one point, Khan sits on a curb next to Steve facing the Ottawa apartment where they lived as a teenage couple. She points to the route she used to run, yelling and screaming, to escape him and recalls the time someone shut their blinds. “No one, no one on this street ever helped,” she says in the film. At another point, she mentions finding out a teacher noticed her bruises but never said anything, and that Steve told her he’d also talked with a teacher about the violence. Khan told the Star knowing that people saw what was happening and didn’t help reinforced the feeling that she deserved to be hurt. “Intimate partner violence is not something we feel comfortable talking about or addressing as a society, and people are understandably afraid they’ll be hurt if they intervene,” Khan says. “But I needed the film to show how isolating and hurtful it was for me when people chose to look the other way.” She gave this advice for helping someone who is suffering from domestic violence.
Know that the exact moment when the violence is happening or right before it’s about to happen isn’t the only time when you can be helpful.
Listen to the person who is experiencing violence. Ask them what they need instead of telling them what you think is best for them to do.
Provide a safe space. Let them know they have somewhere to go if and when they need to take you up on it.
Store an emergency bag (filled with documents, favourite things and some clothes) for those considering leaving a relationship.
Help the person who is experiencing the violence get to the resources they need, such as housing, finances and therapy.
If the person experiencing violence approves, it can be helpful to talk with the person who is being violent to them. This can mean speaking up when you see something happening or finding an opportunity to discuss your concerns.
Help people who use violence access resources that can help them change their behaviour. This, by extension, can help the people who they are being violent to.