Boyfriend has isolated me from everyone
How do you get back trust? My boyfriend doesn’t trust me, to the point where I have no friends or family and can’t work.
He won’t let me go to see family alone.
I’m monitored on the Internet and when he’s at work, I have to swear on my kids’ lives that I won’t go anywhere.
Is he just controlling or what? There’s so much more to this story but not enough time to explain. I’m Lost
I dearly hope that you’re using some other email address than the one he monitors and will find ways to keep doing that until you’re safely free from him.
He is NOT “just controlling” . . . he’s abusive and dangerous.
He’s isolated you from family, friends and your right to a normal life that includes those supports.
He’s stolen who you are and what you can accomplish through work, further education, volunteering or any other way you might choose to be motivated and selfsatisfied.
Do not argue with him about this or things will get worse. Above all, you need safety for yourself and your children.
There are “distress helplines” and websites that can get you to a local women’s shelter for yourself and your children, plus a community agency for abused women to help you find work.
You can turn to police as an abused and isolated woman who needs to be escorted to safety once you’ve got the information and a plan.
But make your calls and contacts only from private lines and email out of his control. Get a relative to visit and help you. If you fear him too much for all this, you’re in even graver danger than you realize.
Proceed cautiously, but seize any opportunity you can to get help.
Do not believe that you can win back his “trust.” You’ve done nothing wrong. Now, save yourself and your kids from his obsession with keeping you “imprisoned” by him. I’m 69. About 18 months ago I lost my wife after she suffered a long and painful illness. Now that I’m on my own, everyone including my grandchildren is set on having me “meet a nice lady.”
I don’t want to meet a nice lady, have a nice cup of tea or a nice quiet chat.
I’m living a quiet, peaceful and fulfilling life, but no one will leave me alone.
I’ve tried everything short of blatant rudeness, but it doesn’t work.
I’m at peace. I like my life. I chat with ladies at church and at bowling. That’s all I want. However, I’m becoming very stressed. Why won’t they leave me alone? Pressured and Annoyed
You’re being seen as a “hot” prospect on the seniors’ dating scene, against your will.
Family members mean well, but are insensitive to your own wishes.
They’re also treating you as if you’re no longer capable of knowing what you want and how you want to live.
Tell them they have no reason for concern. At 69, your thinking process and personal tastes aren’t muddled.
If they persist, direct refusals are fine because they’re disrespecting you.
Assure them you’ll let them know when you need their help, but for now, they must back off.
Seize any opportunity you can to get help. Don’t believe that you can win back an abusive partner’s “trust”
Tip of the day Make a safe and secret plan to leave an abuser. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.