All in all, now is a good time to be a mother
Despite our parenting insecurities and the stresses we experience, it’s still a great time to raise kids
“I’m such a bad mom.”
It’s a humble slag I’ve heard dozens — if not hundreds — of moms level against themselves as a preamble to some sort of confession that’s not much of a confession at all.
“I’m such a bad mom. I let MacKenzie watch Paw Patrol on the iPad when I had the stomach flu.”
“I’m such a bad mom. I was secretly glad when her team lost the hockey game so we didn’t have to come back to the arena on Sunday morning.”
“I’m such a bad mom. The store was out of the organic kind so I gave him regular chicken nuggets for lunch.”
We’ve established this by now: Our generation of parents is more plagued with self-doubt than any that’s come before. We have an embarrassment of choice on everything from theories about infant sleep to where to send our kids to high school, and we get needlessly worked up over it all.
And it’s no surprise given the keen sense we have that our choices are being closely monitored. After all, these are times when — even though the world is less dangerous than it was when we were growing up — your neighbour might call the Children’s Aid Society if you let your kids walk to the playground by themselves. Add to this that we document and share our lives — or at least the highlight reels — through social media, and it’s no wonder we engage in so much comparison, disparaging our own parenting before anyone beats us to the punch. But despite all our insecurities, and the stresses we experience from trying to do too much, I still have to conclude that it is indeed a good time to be a mother. Here’s why: No more Mommy Wars We’ve moved beyond — for the most part — tiresome conversations about whether it’s the right decision for women to work outside the home. If you’re engaging in so-called Mommy Wars over this question, you’re way behind the times. It’s about what works for your family and your circumstances. If you have any sort of choice whatsoever about whether or not to work, it’s a privilege. Full stop. Unprecedented opportunity Yes, we’ve still got some work to do on the small matter of the 80 cents we’re earning for every buck a man gets for the same work. But we’ve still got it far better than our moms, many of whom can recall things like being asked for their husbands’ signatures when they tried to open bank accounts.
Today, women out-graduate men from university. The glass ceiling still exists, but it’s closer than it’s ever been. We may find ourselves pumping breast milk in less-than-ideal surroundings in order to keep our standing in the workplace, but today it’s not uncommon for women to be promoted before or even during a parental leave — and that just didn’t happen before. Technical helpers While our smartphones create non-stop distractions that can be entirely crazymaking if we don’t manage them mindfully, we’ve got convenience our predecessors couldn’t have fathomed quite literally in our back jean pockets. With a few taps we can make a piano teacher, handyman or takeout dinner appear on our doorsteps.
Access a math tutorial video for home- work trouble. Pay the hydro bill, pick up a side hustle, register a kid for camp. Trade outgrown toys and clothes for a skateboard. Stronger social safety net Paid parental leave has gone from just four months to six months to a year in the time between the 1970s and today. In fact, the latest federal budget gave parents the option of extending leave to 18 months, but with the same amount of financial compensation stretched over that time.
True, it’s an option that can only be taken by those with both financial means and supportive work cultures, but it’s a move in the right direction.
A big piece of supporting families is protecting the jobs of moms and dads while they care for their infants, so entitling us to the option of stretching that leave for an extra six months is a good thing. More involved dads There have never been more stay-at- home dads than there are today, more dads taking parental leave or a closer-toequitable distribution of child care and household tasks.
When parental leave was extended from six months to a year, we started to see more uptake from dads.
Yes, men have to do a lot more pioneering in their workplaces in order to take leave — sometimes sticking their necks out and being the first guy to do so. It’s true that women still, on average, take on more of the domestic tasks than male partners.
That’s not OK, but it’s undeniable that the balance is shifting. There’s more cultural expectation that dads are equal or close-to-equal caregivers. And that’s progress. The key to being able to appreciate these advantages and enjoy our lives more lies in learning to trust our instincts, fret less about our choices and lean on each other. That’s my Mother’s Day wish for all. Brandie Weikle is a parenting expert and the host of The New Family Podcast and editor of thenewfamily.com.