An evening of wall-to-wall warning signals
Not one to enjoy dating apps, Evan took a chance on Bruno but found only red flags
Evan is a 28-year-old developer who lives in St. James Town. He says, “I’m relaxed, open-minded, generous, determined and funny.” Evan likes “graphic tees and jeans” and describes himself as “clean-cut.” He says “On dates, I like to catch some standup comedy, go bowling or just grab food somewhere.
“With my friends, we tend to be sloths at home, with or without pizza.” He adds, “I love to be outside. Biking daily is a must. In the spring and summer, I spend a lot of time in the sun, at Jays games, at Hanlan’s or on a patio.”
Evan says, “It’s been over a year since my last solid, long-term relationship. I’ve dated a few guys since then, but some were manipulative and others just weren’t a good match.”
I met Bruno on a dating app. Apps don’t have the best reputation in terms of meeting someone to seriously date, but also, some gay men seem to have a strange understanding of what the word “date” actually means.
A guy gets a thousand more points with me if he mans up and walks over to me and says “Hi” instead of hiding behind a cellphone screen. In 2017, it should be easy to meet someone out in public by chance, but it appears that a large number of gay guys in this city show confidence online and shy away in person.
When I started chatting with Bruno, there were a good number of things that got my attention. I liked that he runs his own business, like me. We had a lot of things and interests in common. Needless to say, he was also very attractive: tall, killer smile. I asked him out and he said he couldn’t do anything that day because he had plans with his ex.
Major, instant red flag. I disengaged, writing him off.
I understand that many people are friends with their exes, which is great, but what I don’t understand is why someone would openly disclose that when setting up a first date. Baggage, baggage, baggage!
I didn’t expect to hear from him again.
However, that night, Bruno’s ex bailed on him, which prompted him to message me asking if I was still free to meet. I said yes, because why not, and asked what time would work well.
He chose to respond by asking what my Instagram username was. The second red flag! I was so confused by that request because I had already sent him oodles of pics, just like he had at the beginning of our conversation. Why would he want to see photos from years ago? I have a strong backbone and shot back a semi-sarcastic text asking if he was trying to use my Instagram as a way to decide if I was worth his time, and he actually said yes.
I was slightly stunned. Instagram is great, but after receiving more than 10 current pictures of someone and then agreeing to go out, it’s immature to ask to see someone’s account to decide if you’re going to show up.
I’m comfortable with my looks and, in fact, would classify myself as a very good-looking guy, but I wasn’t about to be subjected to the Insecurity Court and let some random guy use old photos as a judge and jury.
Instead of giving him my username, I told him what time we would be meeting. I timed it closely to a Leafs game, so I could head over to my local if he bailed.
After I picked Bruno up at his place, we walked for no longer then five minutes when he started to complain about walking.
Already fully knowing that I didn’t want any part of this, I suggested that we change plans and go to a restaurant nearby where some of my friends work. Besides his physical attractiveness, there wasn’t anything encouraging me to suggest a second date at that point.
Right away, we started having a weird conversation at the restaurant over apps and drinks. There was also a distinct and strange lack of eye contact. It got worse when Bruno decided to tell me a really personal story — way too personal for a first date. I found his topic choice bizarre and started a mini drinking game with myself where I took a drink every time he alluded to how much money he makes, or how cool he is.
Talking is something that comes easily to me, in every situation but this one. It all felt so unnatural and uncomfortable. I told him that it was getting late, even though it wasn’t even eight, and that we should call it a night. I grabbed the bill and started walking him home. Back to the apps, I guess.
Evan rates his date (out of 10): 3 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com
There was also a distinct and strange lack of eye contact. It got worse when Bruno decided to tell me a really personal story