Grace, or lack thereof, makes all the difference
Reader 1: My husband and I had our island cottage for sale. We’re seniors. We were having trouble with our boat and despite many calls to the marina, we couldn’t get it repaired. So all last summer, relatives lent us their boats to travel back and forth. The cottage sold. We don’t know what we would have done without these kind people. How can we ever thank them enough?
Reader 2: Recently, a church friend had a granddaughter. We’d only met the child’s mother a couple of times, but our friend was so excited we decided we’d buy a gift. We had fun shopping and picked out a very sweet, pink, frilly little outfit. We wrapped it, brought it to church and asked our friend to pass it on. The following Sunday, she brought it back, saying her daughter wouldn’t accept it because “the parents want to raise their child in a gender-neutral way.” Our friend asked us to exchange it for something “less girlie.” We felt humiliated and hurt. What should we do?
These two questions hit my inbox minutes apart. Two computer “bings” — one, a story of human beings at their best, the second, a young couple being just plain horrible. And the difference is the presence, or absence, of a quality called “grace.” As a young preacher-man, I struggled with the concept of “grace.” Theologies of many stripes exalt grace as the “gold standard” for divine-human interactions. Yet my textbooks made it sound distant and esoteric — far removed from everyday human tribulations.
When folks act graciously, everyone feels good, even if the situation itself is difficult
I’ve since discovered that the opposite is true. Grace is the quality that “makes all the difference” in how we treat each other. When folks act graciously, everyone, in the end, feels good, even if the situation itself is difficult. But when grace goes AWOL, everyone feels lousy.
A couple of seniors must sell their beloved cottage; as an old coot living year-round at the cottage, I can only imagine how tough that must be. Then the boat pooches, of course. But grace-filled family members come to the rescue, demanding and expecting nothing in return. Just doing a nice thing, because it’s the right thing.
In the second question, my correspondent was met with an appalling lack of grace from a young couple so blinded by narrow, ideological dogma that they couldn’t appreciate the utter kindness they were being offered. What? Are they afraid the kid might “catch” femininity?
And both correspondents ask: what more is required of us? And, ironically, my answer to both is the same: nothing.
In the first situation, it would, of course, be nice to take the family out for dinner to say thank you. If you’re able, go for it. But nothing is actually required, because it is the very nature of grace not to expect tit-for-tat. Gracious people are kind not because they expect kindness in return; they simply know that life is better when grace abounds.
As for the second, well, don’t you dare exchange that dress. Being gracious is not the same as being taken for a sucker. Sometime soon, another friend will have a lovely baby in the family, and I’ll bet the parents will be thrilled to proclaim, “It’s a girl.” And thrilled to have that lovely little dress. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca