> OFF THE RACK
OK!
Cover: Sources say Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are planning to have another baby, but all the quotes have Faris talking about how bored she was being pregnant and how hard the delivery was. Plus, I really don’t want Chris Pratt to have to get his pre-baby body back. Royal treat: OK reports that Pippa spent a fortune to get ready for her wedding, including splashing out on $15,000 spa treatments. Meanwhile, her hubby probably just rolled out of bed and said “I do.” The Purge Anarchy: Here we have a bunch of photos of women pretending to eat in front of cameras and OK acts like it is the scoop of the century to say they probably didn’t REALLY eat it. No duh, I say, my mouth full of pizza.
LIFE & STYLE
Cover: J.Lo wore a blue dress to the Met Ball, so she and A-Rod are definitely expecting a baby. According to Life & Style’s sources, Little B-Lo-Rod will have a nursery decorated with a baseball theme. But don’t bet on it. Buried in this story are the words every celebrity baby bump watcher dreads: Reps denied this story.
Shhhh: Quiet everybody! The tabloids have spotted Taylor Swift doing her mating dance! If you disturb her, she’ll freak out and go to ground and it will be another six months of hibernation! Bugging out: I don’t know how Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay hasn’t burned the mansion to the ground yet as there are rumours it’s full of bed bugs. So rude! I’m sure SOME of those guys aren’t blood suckers.
STAR
Cover: Is this kind of a stopped clock thing with the tabloids? They just keep throwing out “Gwen is pregnant!” rumours and hope that maybe they’ll get lucky and a 47-year-old superstar will just pop out a kid with her showmance? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me 14 times, well, I’m not gonna get fooled again.
Mimi’s motivations: Simon Cowell was maybe going to invite Mariah Carey to be a judge on X-Factor, until he saw a list of her demands. So it’s a no from you, then, Simon? We’re gonna need a bigger beach: A feature spread details how the original stars of Baywatch have gone to pot. Except Gena Lee Nolin, who looks like she has a portrait aging for her in an attic. OK, not a portrait. A poster hung with sticky tack.