Cool is all Canada has ever had
No, what I found interesting on Thursday was the domino effect created by Trump’s isolationist improvising. Every world leader has turned into an archetype in The Trump Show. Some roles are getting more pronounced: Angela Merkel is The Voice of Reason. Vladimir Putin is The Cunning Bogeyman. Kim Jong Un is The Super Villain. Xi Jinping is The Reluctant Hero who, after Thursday, is now standing frozen on the set with a grimacing smile and thinking, “Save the planet? Have you lunatics ever measured the smog in Beijing?”
Then there are the roles that changed hands this week.
And here, as a Canadian viewer glued to this all-too-real reality show, I must chastise Emmanuel Macron. Shame on you, monsieur! You have stolen Justin Trudeau’s spot as The Cool Dude in The Trump Show.
This will not stand, because cool is all we ever had.
Make no mistake: In less than a month since Macron became the president of France, he has chewed into Trudeau’s screen time and landed the best speaking parts. Now random weirdos on Twitter are calling Macron the hottie. Now magazines are begging Macron to be on their glossy covers. Macron is catnip to millennials and hipsters. He is widely viewed as the antiTrump. He is a human cleaver keen to slice into the seedless melon that rests atop Trump’s shoulders.
This monster joined The Trump Show mid- season and then deftly added combative gravitas to a part that previously only called for great hair, a dazzling smile, selfie compulsions, toned biceps, New Age mystique and social-media smarts.
Now our leader is getting shoved out of the spotlight.
It’s like Trudeau is the leader of Montenegro or something.
After Trump pulled out of the Paris Agreement, Trudeau issued a carefully worded statement saying he was “deeply disappointed.” I remember using those same words when one of my daughters got a Bon a math test.
But Macron lunged for Trump’s jugular. As U.S. city and state politicians joined forces with captains of industry to denounce Trump’s decision and vow to continue the fight against climate change, Macron adjusted his pocket square and flicked a lit match into this cauldron of revolt by inviting “all scientists, engineers, entrepreneurs, responsible citizens who were disappointed by the decision of the U.S.” to “come here with us to work together on concrete solutions for our climate, our environment.”
He brazenly called for a brain drain. He made Paris sound like a free Airbnb now open to every conscientious nerd. He made everyone forget about Ottawa.
And then, just as he did after their much-analyzed alpha-male handshake, Macron taunted Trump by posting a second burn on Twitter: “Make Our Planet Great Again.”
This is so unfair. Trudeau can’t openly tangle with the bully of The Trump Show — not unless he wants to watch as Trump invades Saskatchewan on next week’s episode.
Canada is a semi-detached house and our once-beloved neighbour is now smashing stuff and getting into screaming fights.
America is threatening to violate bylaws with unwanted additions in the backyard. America is refusing to mow the lawn and letting pit bulls run wild and blasting Aerosmith at 3 a.m.
But we can’t call the cops or really fight back.
Macron can and is. This is why he is now The Cool Dude. And why our guy may soon have no role at all. vmenon@thestar.ca