He begged for a date, but he had no plan
Monica suggested dinner and a movie, but the real trouble began at the end of the date
Monica is 29, lives in King West, and works in marketing. She says: “My style involves mostly neutrals, but I also love certain patterns and bright colours. I like to look feminine and put together, as well as on trend.” She says: “I blow-dry my hair straight every single day. It’s a little high-maintenance.” Monica says, “manners and social graces are important to me. I like knowing that I have a handle on different social situations. I’m also openly interested in others.” Monica is “creative, outgoing, sometimes silly and intelligent.” She likes to shop, look at fashion sites and magazines, and travel with friends. Monica wants to date someone who “is confident, adventurous, funny, humble and who can cook.”
Perry and I met through friends. We had socialized a few times in groups, but we hadn’t made any kind of special connection.
One of our mutual friends told me that Perry had been asking about me. I didn’t think I was interested, but there was no point in responding when Perry hadn’t even asked me out.
A few weeks later, Perry and I were talking during a group hang and he said he wanted to go out sometime. I told him I would think about it, keeping the mood light and the option open.
He seemed like a good guy, but I wasn’t that into it.
I got divorced recently and am much more interested in going to bed early and sleeping alone than meeting new people.
Perry was really persistent. I didn’t understand this behaviour, because what women probably want most in men is someone who will be content to let things proceed at our pace and comfort level. Pushing me will ultimately push me away.
The next time I saw him, Perry asked why I didn’t want to go out, but really, I’d just been non-committal. I’m not great at conflict, so eventually I just said yes.
I’m outgoing and like to talk to people, so I thought it would be fine, but I also didn’t have a good response ready when he kept pushing. I know now that doing something to be nice or polite is usually a bad idea. I also know now that I’m better off alone than with any of the men I’ve met since my divorce.
I wasn’t interested, but he kept making a self-centred argument that we should get together. He was acting like a whiny child who wasn’t being given the toy he wanted to play with. It was the opposite of attractive
Even though it was Perry who asked me out, when the time came for the date, he hadn’t put any thought into what we were going to do. When I asked what he wanted to do, he had no ideas at all.
At my suggestion, we saw an early movie and had dinner. Neither was particularly special. The night was devoid of chemistry or excitement, to the point where our conversation at dinner was mostly about different girls he had dated and hadn’t liked, or who were flawed in one way or another.
I also noticed that Perry didn’t have a lot of “awareness” of other people, and acted kind of like a kid I was babysitting instead of my date. Total fail.
As we were leaving the restaurant, I basically told him that I wasn’t interested in dating him, but that I’d like to get to know him better and be friends. I meant it, too. We already had friends in common and would see each other anyway, and I like hanging around with guys, because they’re usually so different from my female friends. The problem is that guys always seem to want more than just friendship. Perry actually seemed fine with this. It was so different than how he was when he asked me out. I was still annoyed that Perry had pushed for the date and not taken the time to plan, and about how he’d acted, but whatever.
The real problem began then, at the very end of the date. It was like Perry hadn’t heard what I’d said, at all, because as we were heading home he started talking about sex, and suggesting that we should hook up.
I made it clear, again, that I wasn’t interested, but he kept making a stupid and self-centred argument that we should get together.
He was acting like a whiny child who wasn’t being given the toy he wanted to play with. It was the opposite of attractive.
I was also really surprised: I knew Perry had friends, but he was acting like someone with no social skills whatsoever. He had seemed so normal and confident. I thought maybe he was trying to recover from being rejected or something.
At some point I had had enough of the situation and told him I was tired and was going home, alone, and hopped in a cab.
At this point, even a man who has everything I’m looking for is going to have to wait around until the day I might be interested in dating again.
Monica rates her date (out of 10): 2 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com