Let’s call the whole thing off
Comedian who has called off two weddings takes a look back at failed relationships
One-man Fringe show Disengaged examines failed relationships,
It happens only once and it’s brief.
Efthimios Nasiopoulos edges his chair slightly forward, leans in and slips out of the relaxed demeanour that’s also the cornerstone of his approachable, cerebral standup act.
“I’m not throwing them under the bus,” he insists, his voice rising only slightly above its usual calming timbre. His one-man show, Disengaged — which earned good reviews at Montreal’s Fringe last month and plays Toronto’s edition this week — is less about his two ex-fiancées, he stresses, and more about what led him to call off two separate weddings at their11th hours. Both non-ceremonies were 10 years apart.
“Everything was booked, invitations had been sent out,” he offers with a heavy sigh. “(Both exes) are not unscathed completely,” adds Nasiopoulos, 38, about his first play, which is mostly comedy surrounded by some serious moments. “But they’re not the focus.”
This point seems paramount for the Toronto native when discussing Disengaged. The comic-cum-playwright isn’t looking to make enemies: in his standup act, a one-man show or offstage.
While his six-foot-six frame looks like it was created from poured concrete — small surprise that Nasiopoulos boxed semi-professionally and worked as a pipe fitter — the body belies his gentle, almost sheepish nature.
He once coolly diffused an almost certain brawl, wedged between two well-oiled comedy-club patrons, one of whom seemed bent on tossing a punch his way.
“I will if I have to,” Nasiopoulos allows, about any physical skirmish. “But we hadn’t yet exhausted every option to avoid (a fight).”
It’s that kind of nonconfrontational tone that he wants Disengaged to convey. “It’s more about me and my shortcomings,” he explains.
Writing Disengaged, he says, was “very cathartic . . . and painful at times. Because man, I’m actively thinking about these failed relationships . . . thinking about (both exes) and how bad it was. I mean, you’re calling off a wedding.” He lets that last word hang silently for a moment.
“It’s a bit about self-esteem,” he continues. “Where I was searching for things or chasing too hard.”
But isn’t showcasing and exploiting one’s open wounds — however painful, however ugly — what standups do in this Louis C.K. and Amy Schumer era of comedy?
Nasiopoulos, ironically, says he avoided it because “it was too personal. There was a part of me that didn’t want people to know that I’ve been engaged twice.” He hesitates, before adding, “There was shame to it, I guess.”
And then there’s the very real possibility of putting off prospective future love interests when they learn you’re, um, prone to cancelling lastminute.
“You don’t want to lead with, ‘Hi, I’ve been engaged twice,’ ” he says with a laugh. That topic, too, is mined in Disengaged.
He needed distance from the debacles to write about them and find their comic fodder. He also needed the right forum.
“With standup, it’s more you against whatever you’re talking about,” says Nasiopoulos, who also worked as a mortgage specialist.
“A one-man show allows me to be more vulnerable.”
It’s also proven to be a form of healing. “When I realized I’d transformed these stories into something people enjoy, then any sad feelings during writing it were gone.
“I’m not a villain or a hero by the end of the show. There are moments where they will like me; there are moments where they won’t. Because in life, there are no villains or heroes.
“It’s just a matter of who’s telling the story.” Disengaged runs Wednesday until July 15 at the Factory Theatre Studio, 125 Bathurst St. See fringetoronto.com for information. Denis Grignon is a professional standup comic and writer who’s been married for 20 years.