Why are you so angry? Let me be the judge of that
The dog days of summer are supposed to turn people into inert matter reaching for something with beaded bubbles winking at the brim, and getting sticky in the shade. Or perhaps it’s only me.
For people are tinder right now. What could they be so unreasonably angry about? 1. President Donald Trump. Yes. I won’t argue with this one. As much as Trump is a unifying force for civilized people, it unites them in despair and rage. Verdict: you are entitled to this. 2. New York Magazine’s worst-possible-scenario piece on climate change says the Anthropocene — the geologic era defined by human intervention — will wind up by the end of the century as the planet becomes too hot to tolerate. I read the massive story upon waking on Monday morning, racing through the piece to find out how I, specifically, would die.
“Simply moving around outside when it’s over 105 degrees Fahrenheit would be lethal,” wrote David Wallace-Wells. “And the effect would be fast: Within a few hours, a human body would be cooked to death from both inside and out.”
Alert readers may point out that I will make old bones long before this. Yeah, like that’s going to happen. I will never die, and neither will you. So happy for you, my dear companions!
Verdict: no reason to be angry. Or rather, read Naomi Klein. She has hope. 3. The Omar Khadr settlement. The news stories used the same number Angus Reid trumpeted: “71% of Canadians say government made wrong call by settling out of court.” But when you study the actual poll, the question was loaded. 71% might well have said the opposite if a clause had been added, “given that Ottawa has already spent $5 million losing a Supreme Court case and would spend even more to lose again.”
The Supreme Court is the last court. That’s why they call it “Supreme.”
In other words, as journalist Campbell Clark wrote, Ottawa was being sensible about legal fees. If there’s one word that appeals to Canadians, it’s “sensible.”
Busy people cannot keep the entire Khadr timeline in their heads. Pollsters should be a little more helpful. Many Canadians said they didn’t know enough to decide. Americans never say that. I am proud of my country.
Khadr was a 15-year-old boy with nightmarishly bad parents. So maybe do the poll again and you’ll find most Canadians might not be angry. Verdict: this is good news. 4. Amazon Prime Day. Touted as the biggest day of the year for cheapskates, the day annoyed me. I don’t buy anything until it’s half-price, which is why some of my clothes have a certain je ne sais quoi quality, but Prime Day 2017 was dreadful.
It was like something run out of a bait shop or Jeff Bezos’ original rented garage in Bellevue, Wash. There was 21 per cent off The Canadian Cowboy Cookbook, 15 per cent off a Bible study book titled The Armour of God, and eight bucks off a $19 turquoise mermaid slanket (blanket with sleeves). You lie on the couch and for reasons best known to yourself, pull on a tubular green crocheted tail to encase the body. Amazon reviewers love it, but you know them.
So I was steamed at Amazon Prime, until I read of Iqaluit residents who say it’s their lifeline. It ships goods to them quickly and at lower prices than other distant outlets. “Amazon Prime has done more toward elevating the standard of living of my family than any territorial program,” one school principal told the CBC.
Verdict: Let’s honour Amazon Prime. If it will keep shipping to Iqaluit, I will order mermaid slankets for everyone in my family this Christmas. 5. Twitter always “sparks” outrage. On Tuesday, it was shock and horror as an Air Canada plane almost landed on the taxiway at San Francisco International Airport where four planes were set to take off, rather than on the intended runway. Air traffic control fixed it.
But one overheated retired pilot said it would have been “the greatest aviation disaster in history.” But it might not have been and wasn’t.
The pilot who has made a mistake is pure gold. He has learned from it, which is the most useful thing of all. Verdict: Nothing need trouble us here.