Lack of vehicle drives date in wrong direction
Gavin is a 31-year-old web developer who lives in the east end. He says “My look would be considered polished, classic and preppy, but without trying too hard. I would rather buy a few exorbitant but timeless pieces from luxury boutiques that will always be in style and last decades, versus shopping every month for trendy things. Most of my clothing is tailored.” Gavin likes repairing and detailing cars, working out and “going out for great food.” He is “generous, kind and considerate. I always strive to do the right thing, always work hard and treat people they way I would want to be treated.”
I’ve been single for a few years because my job is very busy, and I haven’t been able to dedicate enough time to my love life. I’m not desperate, but I’m very aware that something needs to be done in terms of finding a relationship. I’m looking for a “girl next door” type who is kind, hardworking, intelligent, financially literate and able to talk to anyone. A willingness to eat junk food occasionally is important too! I find that with online dating now, people meet someone good, but don’t want to fully commit, because they think, “What if there’s someone better who can check off more things on my list?”
I met Shira on a dating site. She was cute and her profile was great, with good grammar. I asked her out and made the plans, as a man should do. Shira had mentioned that she really wanted to go to a pro sports game, as she had never been before. I realized I had an opportunity to make an extra-special date happen. I decided to track down some great tickets, because I thought it would be worth it to maximize the experience for her.
Shira was great. I really liked her. Just one thing: she didn’t drive — and she lived just north of the city. I left work early, drove an hour to pick her up, and then an hour back downtown to the game. I thought that it would have been nice if she had offered to take public transit halfway to meet me, even knowing that I would have insisted on driving us. I had already realized that if we were going to date, she wouldn’t be as available to hang out, or that I’d be the one doing a lot of driving, but I wanted the date to go well so I tried to forget about it.
It started out great. She was in awe of the atmosphere at the game, and we were having a great time talking about life. It started going downhill when I brought up the driving thing with her. I wasn’t being aggressive, just asking questions. I was curious about why she didn’t have her license, and how that had worked in her life, especially living north of the city. It didn’t go so well: she immediately got defensive. She said that her friends usually drove them places, which I thought demonstrated a sense of entitlement. It got a little tense. I think I made her feel cornered. She kind of shut down and didn’t talk as much after that point. My heart sank when I realized my investment in time and tickets had failed. I also felt bad for making her feel bad.
The date went even further downhill because she didn’t offer to get any consumables for me, which was weird considering I created this amazing experience for her. I also paid for the food and drinks, in any case. Eventually, later in the game, I asked her to buy me a snack or a drink by saying something jokingly like “Are you at least going to buy me something to eat?” I hated that I had to ask, but I expected better social savoir-faire and a more considerate personality. She did end up buying me something, but it’s not cool to have to ask when you’re already treating someone. We left before the game ended. The mood was gone.
The drive home was the worst. Just terrible. It was long and silent, with her just looking ahead at the road. At one point she complained that it was taking too long. This was coming from someone who can’t drive! I had had enough at that point. When I got to her place, she just got out of the car and we said goodbye and that was it. I don’t want to be someone’s chauffeur — I would be too resentful.
Shira was great and I hope she found someone and is happy, but it’s good that it didn’t work out so I didn’t sink too much emotional or fiscal capital in dating her. I also learned that I can’t see someone who doesn’t drive.
Gavin rates his date (out of 10): 4 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com