Scaredy-cat can slowly learn to love strangers

My cat is terrified of strangers, yet she is extremely affectionate with me. However, when people come over, she hides under the bed. I have tried to hold her while people try to pet her. She endures it, but still runs away. How can I help her to overcome this feeling?

Enduring is not the same thing as enjoying. In fact, many people endure a dental visit. That doesn’t necessarily mean they like the experience.

Some animals may tolerate being held. It is true that a few might realize there was nothing to fear. Many stoically wait, hoping for an opportunity to flee. Simple repetition is not effective for these animals — just as going to the dentist regularly does not necessarily help one overcome fear of dental procedures.

Liking goes beyond tolerating. Liking is booking a relaxing spa treatment. It is something we want and seek.

Start by recognizing that animals can learn at a distance. There is no need to hold an animal in place. For example, cats learn that can openers signal dinner. No one worries that they are too far away to hear, see or figure this out. They are just as capable of learning that strangers predict special food, even at a distance.

The order of events is far more important. Each time someone comes to the house, give the cat some special treats. The cat has to notice the stranger first, before they notice any treats. Allow the cat to eat the food in peace and at a distance.

Don’t overthink the steps. The stranger should not do the feeding. Do not use food to lure or bribe the cat closer.

With repetition, the cat’s behaviour will start to change. Instead of fleeing, they will start to demonstrate curiosity. This curiosity can be further encouraged.

Work in small steps. Gradually build trust. To get a better idea of how to progress through a specific cat’s triggers, consider hiring a cat expert who is familiar with building positive associations. Our puppy nips at us. We redirect her to a toy when this happens. The nipping seems to be getting worse. How can we stop her attention-seeking in a positive way?

Animals do what is reinforced. In fact, that’s why we use the word “reinforced,” it means to strengthen, like reinforcing a structure. When nuisance behaviours escalate, they are likely being reinforced — something is “rewarding” the behaviour.

A simple test can determine what this might be. Write the problem out chronologically as it typically happens. For example, “When the dog nips, I give them a toy or bone.” Clearly, nipping leads to toys and bones and, frankly, attention. A dog would clearly find that reinforcing.

A proactive approach is better. Don’t wait for the dog to nip. Get them into a new routine or activity. Then reinforce the dog for doing that activity, whether it be chewing a bone or lying quietly. Reinforce what you actually like before they nip.

If the dog nips, know that negative attention can and does act as a reward for many. Instead, walk away or put the animal into a brief one- to two-minute timeout.

Timeouts are not positive reinforcement. They are like hockey penalties: play by the rules or you sit out. It sends a clear message without threatening the dog with fear or pain.

If you do start giving penalties, do so consistently and without anger or emotion. Vow to focus mostly on rewarding the good behaviour. No dog can learn what to do unless they are taught what good behaviour is. Yvette Van Veen is an animal behaviour consultant and Canada’s first tested and certified PCT-A.

Don’t overthink the steps. The stranger should not do the feeding. Do not use food to lure or bribe the cat closer