Woman threatened by her abusive ex
I’d had an almost two-year relationship with this guy. I ended it over two years ago because he’d been making me feel uncomfortable. He’d attempt to drag me into porta-potties or family restrooms for “fun time,” and would grab at my breasts and womanhood publicly.
I thought nothing of it — I was 18 and immature. I never had a boyfriend before. Then he insisted we go all the way. I wanted to wait until we were married, but he wasn’t having it.
He was also frequently trying to arrange for me to sleep with his friends. He said that cheating’s normal in a relationship. He once even placed his hands on my breasts, and mine on his manhood, in front of his mother! And she didn’t bat an eye!
I wish I could slap my younger self for not breaking up sooner. I tried for six months. First, he guilt-tripped me by saying that he wouldn’t find anyone else. The second time, he told me that I wouldn’t find anyone else.
Next, his mother scolded me, demanding I get back together with her son. Finally, I blocked his house, mobile phone number and any social media he had.
For the two years since, I’ve been fine. I’ve found a new boyfriend who respects and cares for me, and we’re starting to plan our future together.
Then, last weekend, my ex called from an unknown number. He began innocently with, “Hey, you remember me?” Then he called again, wanting to see and talk to me. The next call, he started to sound threatening.
I think I’m being stalked. I considered filing a restraining order, but this is only one occurrence in two years and there’s no number to block or trace. I can’t change my number and can’t afford to move from my parents’ home yet. What should I do? Frightened of my Ex
Any guy so crude and controlling — and backed up by his mother! — is frightening, and worth your taking precautions.
Alert the police, so they at least have his name on file. Tell them that he abused you through unwanted sexual touching.
Change your cellphone and tell your parents clearly why they should also change their number and not speak to him. Stay alert. If you see him or his friends/mother near you or your home, call police immediately.
I had a tumultuous relationship with a woman I met 13 years ago. She was in and out of another relationship, eventually married someone whom she left six months later. She invited me for Christmas (when she asked me to have a family with her), then ditched me. Shortly thereafter, she wrote me that she’d met her life partner and hoped I’d be happy for her.
Three years later, she contacted me to ask if I was thinking about her and report that she was separated and the mother of a very young child. I kept my distance and my sanity. Over the years, she contacted me repeatedly and neither I nor my friends can figure out what she wants. What’s going on? Keeping my Distance
She wants a backup person. You responded in the past and she still regards you as a decent guy (warranting the past “have a family together” request).
She’s not the most emotionally stable, seemingly seeking new “life partners” whenever she has doubts about the last.
Now, with a child, she seeks a replacement partner. But she’s a bad risk for your heart. Wish her well. Period.
Tip of the day If stalking is suspected, notify police immediately. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.