DIAGNOSING AND DEALING WITH AWFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORKPLACE
dealing with jerks from his home in Menlo Park, Calif.
Robert Sutton never thought he would be known as the “A--hole Guy.”
The Stanford University professor, who specializes in organizational psychology, has published more than 100 academic papers, won multiple awards, co-founded prestigious institutes and is a sought-after expert.
Yet, it’s this unofficial title — anointed after the publication of his bestselling book The No A--hole Rule in 2007 — that seems to stick.
In it, he details how to create civilized workplaces. But since most will never be — or remain — jerk-free, Sutton has written the followup The A--hole Survival Guide: How to Deal with People Who Treat You Like Dirt. The Star spoke with Sutton about diagnosing and
After your first book, you were inundated with letters from people who wanted to share stories about the jerks in their lives. Do people see you as a sympathetic ear? Do they plead for advice?
There are some who just want to rant. There are some who rant and ask for help. And there are some people who give me tips on how to deal with a--holes. I’ve learned all kinds of amazing things from people who write to me.
One of the weirdest stories came from a woman who, when she had to deal with her boss, would look at his eyebrow rather than at his face. So weird, right? But then I actually tried it with someone who I didn’t like — she had penciled-in eyebrows — and found that this tip worked.
You use many anecdotes in your book. Do you have a personal favourite?
A physician wrote me a story about when he and his fellow surgical residents were in school and had to deal with abusive senior (attending) physicians. Every week they would get together and decide who was the attending a--hole physician of the week. They vowed they would never be like that. Years later, when they them- selves were attending physicians, this physician wrote to tell me that, though they are not perfect, they are also not a--holes because they created a bond to stop, if you will, the s--t from flowing down to the next generation.
It shows that you can stop the nastiness from flowing from one generation to another.
I’m fascinated by the fact that a--hole behaviour breeds more a--hole behaviour, that none of us are immune to becoming jerks. Briefly, can you describe how this can happen?
There is a large body of research that shows emotions are remarkably contagious and that negative emotions are more contagious than positive emotions. Research also shows that people want to hire people who are like themselves, so a--holes literally do breed more a--holes.
The advice that I’ve been giving my students for years is that when you join an organization, look closely at the kind of people who are around because odds are, you will become like them, they won’t become like you. And this advice is not just for a--hole behaviour; some of my students go to work for really boring companies and, yes, you can become more boring over the years.
So beware of the corporate culture at a workplace . . .
Yes, but also keep in mind there is a lot of evidence that you can work for the greatest company on earth and — because bosses and workgroups are
You make it clear that it can be debilitating to be treated like dirt.
There is a whole bunch of academic research on hostile workplaces — whether it comes from a boss or from having to work with nasty customers and clients. The evidence you see over and over is that being exposed to this behaviour, even for a short period of time, is that mental health suffers, physical health suffers, sleep suffers, relationships suffer.
One of my favourite studies (on hostile workplaces) looks at a large sample of fast food restaurants . . . and it found when the manager was a jerk, the employees would steal more food and waste more. So there are all sorts of negative consequences for well-being and performance.
Is there a universal set of criteria that makes someone an a--hole?
It starts with how someone makes you feel. There might be rudeness, yelling, arguing, being ignored; does (this behaviour) make you feel demeaned, de-energized, disrespected?
If this person is doing something objectively to make you and other people feel that way, it’s a sign they are an a--hole. But beware . . . when it comes to a--holes, it’s a two-way contagion thing. If everywhere you go you think people are treating you like dirt, to me that’s a sign that you are feeding off that behaviour. Or you are really thin-skinned. That’s why I say you should be part of the solution, not just part of the problem.
You provide strategies in your book on how to deal with jerks, from making a clean getaway to developing avoidance techniques. What’s the strategy you employ most?
The one that helps me a lot — I’ve been using it a lot these last six months — is the notion of temporal distancing or imaginary time travel. To remind yourself that while you are really upset, really hurt right now, that in an hour or tonight, next week, next month, it’s not going to hurt that much. There is experimental evidence that if you can shift your time perspective, that if you can imagine that you are looking back on this upsetting moment from the future, it can help. It’s something I find myself doing more and more. And if I had done that earlier today I would have saved myself from being upset for 30 minutes and I would be less tired at 6:30 p.m. than I am now.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Sutton will be speaking at the University of Toronto’s Rotman School of Management on Thursday, Oct. 5 at 5 p.m. Tickets are $40, which includes a hard copy of his book. Register online for tickets or call (416) 978-6122.