How can we alter views of our bigoted friends?

Our question is about how to answer bigotry in people who come from a different cultural background than us. We are white, “old stock” Canadians. We have made friends with a South Asian family who are outspokenly Islamophobic. They want to explain their point of view and why we should agree with it.

I think it would be better if they left their bigoted opinions where they learned them and became Canadian. How can I tell them without offending?

After events this summer in Charlottesville, Va., and elsewhere, it’s easy to believe that xenophobia is primarily the behaviour of white-skinned Americans with brains the size of a pecan.

Images of pasty, slobbering idiots waving swastikas and/or confederate flags were seared on our retinas and even though this behaviour is the natural product of Trumpism, most of us weren’t ready for what we saw.

But bigotry wasn’t invented by white folks — even though some among us are working hard to perfect it. Bigots, racists, xenophobes of every description come in all sizes, shapes and colours. So your South Asian friends have brought their own brand of bigotry, to add to the rich stew that is Canada. What to do?

“Becoming Canadian” is not an automatic solution. Long before Europeans arrived on this frozen tundra, First Nations engaged in inter-tribal warfare.

More recently, children of those same First Nations were consigned to residential schools, with the explicit purpose of eradicating the “Indian” in them.

During the Second World War, Canadians of Japanese ancestry were confined in camps.

In the 1950s, I grew up in an Ottawa where WASP kids called their francophone classmates “frogs.” Earlier this year, in a Quebec City mosque, six people were shot dead; the suspect was born and bred in Canada. And, quite frankly, your use of the loaded expression “old stock” suggests that maybe racism is not entirely a stranger in your home, even today.

One of the consequences of the rise of xenophobic populism in the west is that folks of European ancestry, like me, have to be cautious when pointing fingers at bigotry in others.

I’m reminded of an aphorism that was drilled into my head when I was a kid: “Put your own house in order before you criticize someone else.”

This is about the journey Canada is currently on, acknowledging the failures of our past while insisting on a different sort of future

This is a reminder that as long as the president of the largest nation on this continent — and millions like him — engage in egregious racism, it’s hard to single out anyone who thinks their “isms” will find fertile ground here.

This doesn’t imply that you should give affirmation to what your friends are saying.

Yes, you do need to be clear that Islamophobia has no place in Canada. But even as you do so, you need to be respectful and gentle, with a conversation that is long on dialogue and short on judgment.

People don’t change their attitudes when they feel judged; they just dig in further.

Perhaps a place to start would be by sharing the hard work being done in Canada towards reconciliation between settlers and First Nations people. Be honest about how difficult this is, in part because it means reshaping attitudes that we learned as kids and have been present for a long time.

Help your friends understand that they have come to a country that is on a journey, acknowledging the failures of our past while insisting on a different sort of future.

And invite them to move along with the rest of us. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca