He was still looking for guys on dating apps
Douglas is a 25-year-old student and part-time retail associate who lives in the west end. He says “I have a clean style. T-shirts and skinny jeans, mostly. My hair is usually short, but I style it in different ways.” Douglas is “outgoing and witty,” and likes to “watch shows and movies, spend time with friends, go out for coffee dates and dinner and enjoy nightlife downtown. I like just getting the chance to connect with people.” In terms of guys, Douglas says “Really, I’m just looking for someone who is willing to put in some effort, at least as much as I am.”
I met Craig on a dating app. I had been single for about a month at that point. I see a lot of people, but it’s pretty unusual for me to find myself clicking so much with someone.
Craig and I messaged for a while. It was longer than I would normally go without meeting someone in real life, but I was busy with work and school, and we lived far apart. It was hard for me to commit to a date and time to hang out.
I liked that Craig put in a lot of effort while we were messaging and videocalling. He was willing to try, and we really built and sustained a bond. He was also good at cheering me up when I was having a bad day. He would often ask me what was on my mind, and he was playful about it. I liked him.
Craig eventually told me that he was getting impatient and wanted me to actually do something about hanging out; actions instead of just words. I understood that. I decided to surprise him at his place, which is across town from where I live, on a weekend.
When I arrived, Craig was surprised to see me, but seemed very happy I was there. I brought food with me because I wanted to make a good first impression.
Craig led me into his place, and we talked and got to know each other in person. He was vulnerable with me, and told me he hoped I wouldn’t be like other guys, only interested in a hookup. I felt touched by that. I wanted to prove to him that I was different than the other guys he’s dated, and I wanted to prove to myself that he was different than the other guys I’ve dated. I wanted him to know that I wanted to give things a real shot.
Things were going well at first. Craig took me out for dinner with his friends that night. We all ate and chatted and I got to see him interact with his friends, which was cool, and get to know them. He was funny and likeable, and his friends were, too. Things were going well. It felt natural. We were enjoying each other’s company. When we went home, we napped together. Craig rested his head on my shoulder, and we stayed that way for hours. Then we hung out and watched some TV shows. We talked about our common interests, where we had travelled and what we hoped to do with our lives. There wasn’t anything remarkable about it, but in the moment it felt like we were a couple who had been together for a long time, just living life. But the next morning, I noticed Craig using a dating app in front of me. Confused, I asked him about the previous night and the things that he had said to me, and why he was doing this now. He just brushed it off. He said that he liked me, but that he didn’t want to actually be in a committed relationship with anyone. This was all so different than how it had been with us previously. I was upset, but I put it aside. It seemed like something that might have stemmed from his insecurities. We went for lunch before I had to leave, and when we were there I saw him using the apps again. I left without saying much.
After that, I didn’t pick up Craig’s calls, and didn’t look back. I was very angry in the short-term. It was as if I’d been played in the most blatant way possible. I blamed myself for believing Craig when he was vulnerable with me at the beginning. Craig tried to contact me after that, as if everything was normal. I ignored his calls, but I think in the future I would maybe see him again. Just not now. I don’t blame him for struggling, but I do blame him for making poor choices with me. I just want to move on, and I’m only able to do that, without thinking too much, if I don’t see him.
Douglas rates his date (out of 10): 7 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com