The scariest food items haunting the office fridge
Don’t terrorize co-workers with ghastly ancient leftovers, monstrous condiment jars
You love your workspace. You sit in one of those overpriced chairs, you have your very own stapler and you enjoy a decent view of the skyline. If only the kitchen were walled off, your office setting would be perfect. But thanks to some co-workers who are clueless on the concept of “shared space,” the company refrigerator has become haunted with a collective force of evil.
Here’s a look at the scariest residents of your office refrigerator. We should note that we’ve purposely left fish off of this list because, let’s face it — that’s like shooting fish in a barrel, right?
The made-at-home sandwich: Yes, you tell your wife, you’ll stop spending so much money eating out with your friends and bring lunch from home. See, you packed this turkey sandwich. Three months ago.
The jug of milk: Unless you’re hosting a sleepover in the office and planning on filling up your child’s elementary school buddies with sugary breakfast morsels, store your milk in a smaller container.
The half-eaten hamburger: Ever smell pickles and ketchup and mustard and tomatoes that have been reheated in a microwave? Worse, have you tasted them? Do yourself — and your coworkers — a favour and finish the burger at lunch.
Anything wrapped in paper towel: Because paper towels are known for their ability to lock in freshness and odour. No one even knows you have a few pieces of bacon stored in that grease-stained tent on the top shelf.
Old birthday cake: Your co-worker’s birthday was two weeks ago. If you don’t eat the cake while standing around in the conference room or back at your desk, you’re never going to eat it. Let it go. There’s sure to be a birthday, shower or forced retirement to celebrate next week.
The open cup of coffee: Thanks for saving the company two-fifths of a cent, but it’s OK to dump your old cup of joe in the sink and grab a new pour when you feel the need.
Fried chicken: We know, you paid $21.95 for that piece of poultry, but be aware that the urban fried-chicken-on-every-corner trend may be outdone by leftover-half-eaten-friedchicken-breast-in-the-fridge realty.
Condiments: You’re going to make a sandwich this week, so you need this big bottle of Dijon mustard. And that bottle of soy sauce is for your reheated fried rice you’ll have later this week. Never mind that you’re taking up 75 per cent of the shelf space with your probably expired condiments. Here’s a new word for you: packets. Anything you need to enhance the flavour of an at-work lunch can be obtained in packets that you can keep in your desk drawer. And if you run out, don’t worry. Mary Lou from customer service has been hoarding sealed single-servings of ketchup, mayonnaise, sweet-and-sour sauce and more since 1996.