Call police if graphic phone photos continue

I’m a woman, 32, single and hoping to meet a decent man for a relationship. I enjoy sex. I also enjoy seeing sexual passion in romantic movies.

But I get turned off by blatant photos of sexual anatomy, especially when they suddenly appear on my phone, uninvited, sent by some creep I met once at a bar. That guy was sloppy drunk, hanging over me, repeatedly suggesting we “go somewhere.” I retreated to the washroom and out the door. What a turnoff! What’s with guys who do this? Maybe women do it, too, but I don’t know any.

Is there any rationale for their in-your-face behaviour? Disgusted Inebriation is certainly one “excuse” that’s used after the fact. But rejection-anger, adult immaturity and narcissism are others.

An unsolicited nude photo, once, is annoying. Sent repeatedly by the same person, is harassment. Inform the police to make the sender stop. My wife of 10 years is from China; I’m a Canadian who doesn’t speak or understand Mandarin. It’s a second marriage for both; she’s 47 and I’m 66.

Several months before our wedding, her parents arrived to look after my stepson, so we could have a honeymoon. My then-fiancée warned me that periodically, her mom would fight with someone over something minor and not talk to the “offender” for days or weeks. Three weeks before the wedding/honeymoon, she wanted to leave over something, but it last- ed only days.

My father-in-law, a wonderful man, is 77; his wife’s 71. They now stay with us for eight months, returning to China during winter.

Recently, my mother-in-law disagreed with my wife for discarding some aluminum foil and walked out. Her husband followed her 15 minutes later and they were gone for hours, in -9 C weather. I called the police. They finally returned, five hours later.

Also, we’ve been asked to become guardians for my wife’s niece, 14, who wants to come here for a better education.

Apparently, her parents are always fighting.

My father-in-law feels ours is a good stable home (my stepson’s excelling at university and I’ve raised three daughters successfully). My mother-in-law wants to go home and her husband doesn’t. This latest issue is the worst yet. I want to say that we’ve both had enough of this.

I’d prefer this couple visit us for four weeks, twice annually. I’m feeling 50/50 on a commitment to the niece. Disruptive Visits If you and your wife agree that you’ve had enough of the dramas, scares and prolonged visits, it’s essential to become firm in mutual resolve that there must be a change.

You two have a right to set boundaries for visits that affect your own lives directly.

But you’ll need counselling help. You have accepted this long visiting regime for some years. Also, your mother-in-law is an expert manipulator.

Yet, the more serious concern is the teenage niece. If her parents’ fighting is that disturbing to her well-being, they need to address that. The grandfather has good intentions but they shouldn’t rely only on you.

If you agree to it, you and your wife would need to be committed to keeping her for the school year through high school, at least. Make your decisions together, first. If you’re not prepared to raise another teenager — already troubled and a stranger to the country and language — consider other options, such as summer holiday visits to give her and her parents a break.

The decisions are yours as a couple, no one else’s.

Tip of the day Intergenerational living in the same space works well only when everyone works at it equally. Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca or visit her website, ellieadvice.com. Follow @ellieadvice.