Host wants guests to bring along cheques

We have been invited to a New Year’s Eve party at a friend’s house. The host will provide the food and drink; in return, we have been asked to bring a cheque payable to the host. The host has indicated she will send the money to a charity of her choice. We already donate to a large number of worthwhile causes. I am uncomfortable giving someone a cheque made out in her name; I won’t receive a tax receipt nor do I know what the money will be used for. How do I gracefully respond?

If you reframe the invitation, this situation gets simpler.

You haven’t actually been invited to a house party; you’ve been invited to a fundraiser for an unnamed charity. This doesn’t necessarily imply that the charity itself is directly involved. What it does mean is that, under the guise of a festive event, your host is trying to raise money for a cause she supports, and in the process get a tax receipt to help offset expenses.

Ethically, there’s nothing terribly wrong with this. The charity benefits, the guests have a good time, the tax deduction allows this to happen at little cost to the host and you don’t spend tonight making a cheese ball. Looked at in that light, however, many things become clearer.

First, you may not want to go. A fundraiser is not the same thing as a party, although either can be fun. Or not.

Second, guests have a right to know which charity is the beneficiary. Assuming it’s a mainstream, middle-of-the-road group, this should be no problem. On the other hand, if you’re anti-abortion, you maybe don’t want money finding its way to a prochoice lobby, or vice versa. There’s a long list of charities I don’t actively support, but I’m fine with a chunk of money heading their way; there is also a list (not quite so long) that I wouldn’t want to get a nickel. So ask politely who benefits. And, if your host won’t tell, she’s hiding something; buy some bubbly and stay home.

Third, you don’t have a right to a tax receipt; your host does. You are not giving money to charity; you are paying for a night out. And let’s be honest: it’s New Year’s Eve, and it won’t take long to blow through a few bucks worth of booze and pretzels. But you’re paying for the refreshments, while she, in turn, is doing the work and actually giving what is now her money away. So she gets the receipt; you get grilled shrimp on a stick.

Next, by essentially charging admission and serving alcohol (presumably without a licence), your host is placing herself in a potentially difficult situation with respect to liability should something go wrong, either at the event or as guests drive home. If she’s a close friend, you might counsel her, quietly, to check with her insurance company before going much further.

And finally, if you’re concerned about writing a cheque, toddle down to your local ATM, grab some cash and pay for your party hat that way. The host has no financial accountability to you beyond the shrimp, so neither you nor she need a paper trail. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca