He didn’t play games, but then he disappeared
Bill seemed to check most of the boxes for Margaret, then suddenly lost contact
Margaret is a 44-year-old business manager who lives at Yonge St. and St. Clair Ave. She says, “My personal style is classic with funky touches. I like vintage Canadian jewelry and cool boots, but can rock a corporate suit whenever I need to.” Margaret is “fearless and funny” and says “I love music and sports, and having friends over for food, drink and good conversations.” She says, “I believe in putting myself out there, so while I’ve had a lot of dating failures and mishaps, I’ve had some really great experiences as well.”
Bill and I met online when he reached out with a simple, straightforward message. He was handsome and tall, which was good, but he lived far enough outside the city that I knew it could be an issue. It wasn’t a “slam dunk” in terms of potential, but I liked what he wrote in his profile about his approach to life and his interests. I decided I didn’t have anything to lose by replying.
The banter in our messages was great. We moved to the phone, where our conversation was easy and fluid. He was funny, smart and relaxed. He made me laugh. It turned out that he worked downtown, so living so far away might be less of an issue. He was separated, but seemed to have a good relationship with his ex.
He was in touch regularly but not obsessively. He’d text good morning, ask how my day was going and reach out at night. We spoke on the phone a couple more times before our first date.
We met for a drink one night after work. In person, he was as tall and attractive as advertised. He was also nervous, which amused me. His forearms distracted me. He worked with his hands every day, and it showed. There’s something about strong arms that awakens a primal part of me.
After several bad experiences with men who weren’t emotionally and practically ready to date, I’m highly aware of what someone says, and doesn’t say, about themselves. I listen to what they say they’re looking for. I listen for the facts around how long they’ve been out of their marriage, and for indications that they’ve gone through some of the typical stages post-split. I listen for how they talk about their breakup: in most cases, it takes two for a relationship to break down and a mature person understands that. I’m also wary of men who want to move into an exclusive relationship too quickly.
Bill told me he likes to date just one person at a time, which I liked. He told me I was his first date, which made me nervous. I focused on how I found him smart, funny and hand- some, and on him being interested in me. We talked about everything: work, life, social media. Before the end of the date, he asked me out again. We said goodbye with an amazing kiss.
It was nice that he made plans for the next date on our first date. Being interested, but not creepily so, is refreshing. He didn’t play any games.
We had two more great dates, but schedules and physical distance were issues. We texted and talked on the phone.
Then one night, he disappeared. We had been on the phone earlier, and he said he’d call me later, but he didn’t. I assumed he’d fallen asleep. Some of my friends thought he had ghosted, but that didn’t feel right. When he didn’t contact me the next day, and I could see he hadn’t been active on the texting app, I concluded that he’d lost his phone. We’d been in steady contact before that.
I had an unlisted number, and by then our chat history on the dating site was gone, so Bill had no way to reach me. I took matters into my own hands and looked up his home number. There was an entry for his last name in the area where he lived. It had to be him. I called and was surprised to hear a woman’s voice on the outgoing message. My friends and I debated whether or not he was married, but that didn’t feel right either. He did seem like the kind of guy who would never change his voicemail.
Over the next couple of days, I called a couple of times. Nobody answered. I finally decided to leave a message. It was innocuous; I said I hoped he was OK and asked if he could give me a call.
An hour later I got a text from him, that he had found his phone in his couch, and that his ex had gotten my voicemail — on her machine. It had been her listing I’d found.
I felt like an idiot. He was incredibly decent about it.
Margaret rates her date (out of 10): 8 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com.