Moving past heartbreak before moving
Ella is a 22-year-old who says, “I’m in a weird place with my career” and who recently left Toronto.
She says, “My style ranges from girlie dresses with denim jackets to jeans with leather jackets. It’s a little unpredictable.” Ella is “unconventional, bold, creative and driven.” Ella likes taking yoga classes, exploring cities, TV marathons, cooking and walks in the park.
She says, “In a partner, I’m looking for a best friend who I can laugh with and play with. My dating life has varied from nonstop to almost non-existent this past year. Lately, I have been focusing more on my career and my friends than finding a boyfriend.”
Finn and I met exactly six months and two days after my ex broke my heart. I came across Finn’s profile on an app.
He was cute, creative and mentioned books and art in his description. I liked all of that. Plus, he didn’t have a single selfie, which is great. I hate selfies; taking pictures of yourself is a deal-breaker for me.
We spent a night messaging about books we were reading. I’m an in-person kind of girl and don’t like frequent texting, so I sent him my number and told him to text me if he wanted to go out sometime.
I went on a lunch date with another prospect the next day, which was my fifth first date since my ex and I split. Unfortunately, that date was a real dud.
My goal was to go on five dates before moving out of the country, because I had this theory that it would take five dates to get me over my heartbreak, the same heartbreak that inspired me to flee the continent. Without my ex, I not only had the freedom to move but the absolute need to.
Coming home from the dud date, I felt kind of sad about the anti-climactic Toronto dating finale.
Almost immediately, I got a text from Finn asking me if I wanted to go out for drinks that night. I felt my whole body and spirit come alive in an instant.
We were both walking toward the bar when we recognized each other on the street. He had more scruff than in his pictures and was wearing a button-up plaid shirt. I found him surprisingly sexy.
One of the first things that came up when we sat down with our drinks was that I was moving in exactly two weeks. A look of surprise and disappointment brushed across his face. “Great time for a date,” he said. I felt guilty for not realizing that some guys take dating seriously. Yet, a part of me was a little happy to know that he was interested enough to care.
I told him I wasn’t used to people taking dating seriously. For me, dating had become a series of one-off drinks or dinners that barely amounted to anything. Finn said he was at least glad to catch me before I left. It felt good being on the same page as someone for a change.
Conversation was easy. We talked about art, school experiences and our dating histories. He really shared and opened up to me. I loved that about him.
He was really great about not just listening to me, but also relating and connecting to what I had to say.
At no point did I feel judged or condescended to. He didn’t act like he had any agenda with me.
We paid separately. I was close to my place, so I walked with him behind a Starbucks, near where his car was parked. He said, “I think it’s better if we don’t continue things, since you’re off in a few weeks, and it’s better if we don’t keep going down the rabbit hole.” He also said that he’d had a really good time.
“How about a kiss goodbye?” Finn asked me. “Sure,” I said, smiling. “You sure?” he asked, already moving toward me. “Mmmhmm,” I re- sponded. Then he slipped his hands onto my waist, leaned in and kissed me. The world melted away for a bit, and the curse was broken. After that one date and that one kiss behind the Starbucks, I was finally free.
Suddenly my breakup wasn’t the phase of life I was in anymore. With that kiss goodbye, I had my fairy-tale ending. My story with Finn was over, but I liked that he was mature enough to leave things there. The night was proof that sometimes the briefest moments can have the most profound impact on our lives.
He turned to walk the rest of the way to his car and I ran off down the street, smiling the whole way home.
Ella rates her date (out of 10): 10 Want to be a dating diarist? Email datingdiariescontact@gmail.com