How do I stop moms smoking at bus stop?
We live in a rural area, so our children are bussed to school. The bus stops in front of our house and picks up kids from three families. Our kids go out by themselves, but the other two moms walk their kids over and wait with them. I assume they think I’m a terrible mom for not coming out each morning, but the other moms stand there smoking and I can’t cope with it. What bothers me most, though, is that they’re smoking in front of the kids. These women are good people and I don’t want to alienate them. So how can I get them to stop smoking in front of the kids?
There is, I assure you, a special place in hell reserved for adults who smoke in front of children, whether those kids are their own or someone else’s.
It wasn’t always this way. Both my wife and I grew up in homes where our mothers smoked, and as a result, we spend a fair portion of our lives coughing, hacking and spewing up revolting lung-guck. We don’t blame our moms; they understood the danger smoking posed to themselves (they both died of cancer), but back then had no idea whatsoever how much harm their self-described “filthy habit” was doing to their kids.
Today, there’s no such excuse. Smoking doesn’t just expose kids to second-hand smoke; your neighbours undoubtedly believe their emissions are gone with the wind before the kids inhale them. The real danger of their casual smoking, however, is that it “normalizes” this behaviour to kids (like Trump and hate speech). Anyone who has raised a child knows they learn more from what we do than what we say. So all the “don’t start smoking” admonishments in the world are neutered, if not cancelled out entirely, by the sight of two women whom these kids respect puffing away amiably, as if this were the most natural, or pleasant, thing in the world.
So, what to do? Let’s assume you’re right: these moms think you’re a bad parent for not coming out with your kids. It should, then, be sufficient for you to head out before bus-time tomorrow morning and explain to the moms that you want to start coming to the bus with your kids, but you have a “severe reaction” to smoke and you need them to stop. That’s not untrue; your allergy may be more psychological than physical, but it’ll do in a pinch! Be polite; if indeed they are “good people,” they’ll respond accordingly.
If that fails, you’ll need to take a more official approach. Ontario law bans smoking “on any outdoor property used by a public or private school.” It appears to me the schoolbus stop fits into that designation. So go to the “Live Tobacco Free” page of the city of Toronto website. Download a spiffy, official-looking “No Smoking” sign. Print up several copies in case the first one “goes astray.” Laminate, and stick it on the lawn.
If even that fails, call the public health department and ask them to ensure that the law is enforced.
Remember: you’re not the one being a bad neighbour. But you are being a good parent. Send your questions to star.ethics@yahoo.ca