> OFF THE RACK
LIFE & STYLE
Cover: The story you’ve been waiting to read for years — scratch that, you have been reading it for years — is finally here and official-ish: the couple never quite known as Justifer are done. She likes L.A., life at home and her dogs; he enjoys whatever gigs get him away from her. And she was just saying that she’s working less now that she’s “more particular” about projects, which reminds me of that line from Spinal Tap’s manager about the band’s appeal not declining, but getting “more selective.” Malice in the palace: A roundup of royal rumbles: Kate and the Queen spar over the prospect of a home, er, castle birth; Prince Charles is crushing on Meghan Markle, to Camilla’s ire; and Princess Eugenie blah blah blah you just stopped reading. Kin-clusion: A weary Ed O’Neill wants to be killed off of Modern Family; Christopher Plummer and the hologram people are both just waiting for their phones to ring.
US
Cover: The feud between Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall is destined to be a Ryan Murphy series 30 years from now and, maybe, a pay-per-view event six months from now. Until then, what we have is SJP-friendly spin from US, alleging that none of the other Sex and the City ladies liked Cattrall but a third movie still might happen, presumably without her. Recasting would be … well, just see if Christopher Plummer is free. Model mate: Britney Spears is getting serious with 23-year-old model boyfriend Sam Asghari and the fact that she’s 13 years older “wasn’t an issue for the young-at-heart Spears.” Oh hell, people have been calling me “young at heart” and I had no clue until now that it meant “stupid.”
IN TOUCH
Cover: Toronto’s own Tristan Thompson is accused of being flirtatious, independent-living, and friendly with his previous baby mama, all of which breaks the heart of his marriage-minded new baby mama Khloe Kardashian. Well, the notoriously libidinous NBA All-Star Weekend is ongoing in L.A. right now; we’ll see if either of them is, er, active in the free-agent market. Not saying she should call the Plummer, but...