Lunch was great, but had bad aftertaste
Dani is a 50-year-old artist who lives downtown. She says “I’m the kind of woman you might describe as attractive and interesting, but not necessarily beautiful.” She adds “I’m stylish and I look after myself.” Dani says “I’m independent, intelligent, lively, social and outgoing. I like to explore and I have an inquiring mind.” Dani loves concerts, theatre and crafting. She says “I try to go on dates regularly, but not excessively. I probably have two dates per month, which works for me.” I met Edgar online. He seemed like the kind of person I would want to get to know better. He checked off a lot of my boxes. He was also tall and handsome.
After several text messages, I asked him if he wanted to join me for lunch. He said yes, and that he was excited to meet me and didn’t waste time finding a day that worked for us both.
We had a connection, eye contact and smiles right from the beginning. Edgar’s smile was lovely and he had very nice, twinkling eyes. I was immediately attracted to him and, in that first-date way, I could see myself eventually falling for him. After saying hello, I asked him if I looked like my profile photo. He said yes and said that he recognized me immediately. I was dressed nicely for the date, in a beautiful dress with gold jewelry. Edgar was wearing a good “studied casual” look: a tasteful dress shirt under a blue sweater. He looked great. Lunch was fabulous. There was so much chemistry and we had so many common interests. The conversation was easy and flowing, with no awkward pauses. I had recently returned from a long trip, so we talked a lot about that, as well as a long trip Edgar was already planning to go on. We shared stories about different countries we had both travelled to and talked about music, art, sports and current events. It was incredibly easy.
We also talked about our families and about all the great parts, and the disappointments, of parenthood, aging, career, all of it. We shared funny stories about other dates that hadn’t worked out, something that usually happens on better online dates. We shared the details of our lives pretty frankly. We also laughed a lot, which was even better. We both shared that we weren’t necessarily interested in getting married again, but wanted someone to share our experiences and passions with. It seemed to me that we were definitely on the same wavelength.
At one point, Edgar told me that he found me very attractive. We were at the restaurant for a long time.
After lunch, we walked out together. The date ended with a very nice hug. We agreed that we’d be in touch very soon about setting up another date.
Everything changed about three days later. I had sent Edgar a text the day after our date to say what a nice time I’d had and to invite him out again. I got no reply. I then emailed him, asking if he had received my text. No reply. I then sent another message through online messaging.
When he finally texted me back, he wrote somewhat apologetically that he thought I was looking for something different than he was. He actually said that all he really wanted in a relationship at that time was sex. He didn’t want to have a meaningful relationship with anyone.
Maybe in some alternate universe it works like that, but not in mine.
I was so surprised. I found myself wanting to know why he bothered going on dates at all, and why his online profile didn’t reflect his now-stated desire for just a sexual relationship. I didn’t ask.
Sex is just so much better when you really know the person well and develop true affection for each other by sharing life experiences together. It really was false advertising.
I was really disappointed and my disappointment turned into being angry. I wouldn’t have bothered with the date if I’d known what he had in mind.
Dani rates her date (out of 10): 9