I had a date with the ultimate gentleman
Esther is a 44-year-old social worker who lives in the east end. She says “I’m tall, blond and like to look current and up-to-date. I have a fabulous perfume and lipstick ready for every occasion.” Esther is “bright, funny and optimistic” and says “I love a Friday-evening cocktail with friends, theatre, museums and galleries.” She says “I’ve been mostly single since breaking up with my ex three years ago. I like dating, though. Men are usually shocked to find out that I look like my photos. I’m looking for someone I can easily talk to, who is confident, who I feel protected by and who is proud to be with me.”
I saw Toby on a dating site. He looked confident and seemed like a good guy. He was taller than me — and I’m five-foot-10 without shoes — and big. He was “robust.” Very goodlooking. After a day of intense texting back and forth, we talked on the phone and quickly agreed to get together the following night.
Waiting at the restaurant, I had no idea what to expect. Then, some higher power played a trick on me. As Toby walked in, I thought, is this possible? I was shocked to discover that Toby looked exactly like my first crush. The similarity was mesmerizing. I thought to myself, “What could possibly go wrong?” My energy and pheromones were amped up.
Toby was friendly and warm. He pulled me in for a hug, let me lead the way to the table, and pulled my chair out for me. It all seemed natural and just part of who he was. He leaned in toward me during the conversation and it was like we were in our own little world.
It was all smooth, nothing awkward, and as we talked I found that I was dazzled by the conversation. We kept on touching each other as we talked and when I got up to go to the bathroom, I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away.
I couldn’t help but think, wow. What an amazing guy. He was such a gentleman, but even more than that, he was clearly transparent. He wasn’t acting like a gentleman just because he was on a date.
The room was transforming into a younger and louder crowd, so we decided to leave, at least three hours and many plates of food later. He helped me with my coat and opened the door for me. He was such a gentleman. Outside, the lighting was perfect and there was a breeze in the air, the chill of May trying to become June. A few steps away from the restaurant, Toby leaned down and kissed me, softly and sweetly. It was a breathtaking kiss, the kind where your eyes are closed and you’re floating like you’re in a dream.
Then, while I was enjoying the moment, Toby told me with a smile that he doesn’t usually kiss on a first date. I thought he was kidding. I asked him what he meant and he said that he had been raised to be a gentleman. I didn’t think it was possible to be any more enthralled with this guy, but it was. He walked me to my car, where he put his coat over mine so I would stay warm. We spent another hour talking about everything and nothing. Finally I decided I should leave and we had another amazing goodnight kiss, the kind that leaves you wanting more. He opened and closed the car door for me and waited while I drove away.
It was my best date ever, by far, and I’ve been on many dates. As you get older, you realize that moments like those get fewer and farther between. It didn’t work out with him for various reasons, but I still consider him the ultimate gentleman. We find the time to meet for drinks and chairs are pulled out, glasses are magically filled, everyone is entertained. My family and friends think he’s great. I could see something potentially working out for us, but experience tells me that you can’t push men over 50.
Esther rates her date (out of 10): 9