THE LOVING LIE
In the struggle to remake a Mississauga nursing home, workers and residents both benefit from humane dishonesty
How residents and workers at a Mississauga nursing home are benefiting from humane dishonesty,
If an elderly woman with dementia thinks she’s 10 years old and is calling for her mother, what do you tell her?
Kenroy Foxe’s hand shoots up to answer the question. He’s about to get a lesson in the Noble Lie.
“Your mother is dead, you’re 84 and you’re in a nursing home,” Kenroy blurts out.
The two trainers at the Redstone dementia unit stop speaking and stare at their front-row pupil. There’s a pause in the chatter of the room. Thirteen other personal support workers, mostly women, start shifting in their chairs, ready to correct him. Kenroy’s shoulders stiffen.
“Why would you tell her that?” a worker calls from the back row.
“Just let her be at peace! Let her believe her mother is busy but she’ll come soon. Then you can distract her, and she’ll move on to something else, but at least you won’t shock her.”
The more animated his colleagues become, the more their comments pile on, the lower Kenroy sinks in his chair. By the time the trainers regain control, his forehead is on the desk.
If there was anyone left in the room who doesn’t understand the need to let residents live in their moments, thanks to Kenroy’s bout of honesty, they now do.
This is the crux of the emotion-centred care that is about to transform the Redstone dementia unit at Peel Region’s Malton Village nursing home. It’s called the Butterfly program, created by British nursing home disrupter David Sheard.